The Pros and Cons Of Dating a Man 10 Years Older Than You

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The Pros and Cons Of Dating a Man 10 Years Older Than You

We’ve all heard that one of the many differences between men and women is that women mature at a younger age. That could be the reason why it’s not working with all the men you’re dating who share your age, give or take a couple of years. 

Logically, if you’re sick of dating “boys,” then it makes sense to look for a more mature, stable, and secure man. That will likely be someone older. Or, maybe you’ve found a silver fox and are wondering what the future could hold for the two of you. 

Either way, dating a man 10 years older than you could be just what you need to deepen your dating life. However, with such a large age gap, there are bound to be other types of barriers that you may encounter. 

Do dating age gaps matter?

Of course, some differences come along with your age: financial status, emotional maturity, and long-term goals. With larger age gaps, you and your partner are going to have to consider these differences and determine if a long-term relationship is viable. 

Age differences in relationships are quite normal. However, they are usually less substantial. The usual age difference between partners is about three years. Seems like no big deal, right? With this “age gap,” you’re unlikely to encounter any huge conflicts related to age alone (unless, of course, the man is much less emotionally mature than you are). 

However, with a ten-year age difference, you’re going to get some societal backlash. Some people will be less accepting. Others will see it as the man just wanting a younger woman. But the fact of the matter is that it is largely ingrained in our psyche to look for this type of relationship. Well, to a certain degree. 

Evolutionary psychology tells us that the human mind prioritizes survival and reproduction. That means that women will look for an established man to support them and their future children, while men are looking for a younger, more fertile mate. 

I know, I know. Cringe, right?! But there is some truth in this science. However, let’s modernize the logic. 

While you’re probably a modern, independent woman not looking for a man to support you, you may be attracted to someone who has their life together. A man with a career, motivation, and his own independent life is oh-so attractive. 

But how big of an age gap is too big? Well, age is just a number, right? 

If you and your partner can get on the same page with the big things, then why should it matter? There are plenty of benefits you could enjoy while dating an older man. 

A couple with 10 years age gap showing affection with each other
A couple with 10 years age gap showing affection with each other

The appeal of dating a man 10 years older than you

So, what exactly are these alluring benefits of dating an older man? Well, let’s check it out. And, spoiler alert, there’s much more than just his sexy salt-and-pepper hair. 

Different dating experience

It’s easy to get down on dating. Sometimes it seems like you’re on an endless cycle of first dates that have the same outcome. However, dating someone older than you will be a different experience, whether it’s a few dates or a long-term relationship. 

It could just be the type of conversation that keeps you giggling and on the edge of your seat. After all, the experience and knowledge that come with being older can be an extremely sexy thing. 

Or maybe it’s the type of activity you take on. Whereas younger men could provide a decent new adventure, an older man may be more inclined to lavish you with romance, a thing that those of us on dating apps and in the dating world know is a dying art form. 

Even if it ends up not being a serious commitment or even love, you might be refreshed by the different perspective and subsequently different dating experience that dating an older man could bring. 

Better at relationships or commitment

This is a big maybe, but older men are generally better at relationships and more open to commitment. 

Learning how to communicate your feelings and express yourself in emotionally charged situations is a big part of relationships. As younger people, many of us tend to let our emotions get the best of us. 

However, as we get older and have more romantic relationships, we evolve and can pinpoint our feelings and needs. And, usually, we can communicate those things more calmly. Well, that’s the hope, anyway. 

Older men will likely be less explosive in their reactions. They’ll have a more rational reaction than an emotional one. This helps women not tiptoe around saying certain things because their man is overly sensitive. 

However, ladies should be aware because this works both ways. Older men will be more direct rather than avoid hard conversations. I love direct and honest conversations with my romantic partners. It cuts out the guessing games. However, if you’re not ready for some hard truths, then stick with the younger guys. 

They’re wise 

With age comes experience, and with experience comes knowledge. So it makes sense that older men are often fetishized as wise. And what an intriguing quality after dating younger men who don’t know what they want! 

Older men will know what they want, and they’ll tell you just what that is. This makes it easier to get what you want from the dating experience. Why play games when you can just cut right to the chase?

This wisdom I speak of will come into play in your romantic relationship, but also just in life. They’ll have lived on their own and with partners. If they were able to learn from and evolve from those experiences, then you could have one of the most mature, respectful, and loving relationships of your dating life thus far. 

A woman dating a 10 year older man in a museum
A woman dating a 10 year older man in a museum

Emotionally mature

Older men could have had past long-term partners or even an ex-wife. They may even have children. Usually, those types of things make people grow and mature, especially emotionally. 

Life is about more than just them; it is also about their family. But what if your older love interest doesn’t have these things? Does it mean that he’s just interested in living the eternal bachelor’s life?

Not necessarily. It may mean that he hasn’t found what he’s looking for. Or that it was always the wrong time with someone else. As a result, older men will have had other loves and will have hopefully learned from them. 

Also, as we age, we usually have a higher emotional intelligence level. We know how to deal with stress, communicate clearly, empathize with others, and positively manage our emotions. High emotional intelligence is a large indicator of overall happiness and success in relationships. 

Financially secure

It’s likely that a man ten years your senior is financially independent—maybe even financially successful! He’s passed through the period that you may be in right now. He’s probably established his career and gone up the ladder. 

While this is certainly a stereotype and not always the case, usually our finances get better as we age. Hopefully, we can lead successful careers and can even start saving. 

Older men will probably have their own space, not a two-bedroom apartment shared with five other guys (ugh, college years). And, let’s face it. It’s nice to head over to your man’s place and comfortably spend the night without bumping into roomies on the way to the bathroom. 

You’re exciting to him

Ok, so maybe you’ve found a chilled-out, financially responsible, and emotionally mature older man. Good for you!

But, now, you’re panicking about what you can bring to the relationship. Maybe you haven’t quite yet established your career or are starting a new business venture. Everything feels uncertain for you professionally right now. That’s ok! Remember that he was probably there at some point too!

So, even though you may not bring that type of security to the relationship, you can bring many other things. Older men have probably calmed down. There’s less testosterone pumping, and they may prefer a night in rather than a wild night out. 

You, on the other hand, are probably used to experiencing life at a different pace. You’re motivated, energetic, and on the move. You are the exciting breath of fresh air that this established stud never even knew he needed. 

Sounds fun, right?! 

So, don’t worry about what you’re not. Focus on the fun, beauty, and love that you can bring to the relationship. That’s probably what’s hooked him anyway. 

The downside of dating a man 10 years older than you

The downside of dating a man 10 years older than you
The downside of dating a man 10 years older than you

Alright, now let’s look at things from the other perspective. What could go wrong when dating a man 10 years older than you? What challenges will this unconventional relationship have to withstand to succeed?

At different points in life

While it can bring the benefit of learning from one another, being at different life stages can also bring challenges. 

For example, are you on the same page about having kids? Are you focused on your career and working overtime, while he enjoys traveling every weekend? 

A ten-year age gap will require you both to have deep conversations early on. You’ll both need to be clear about what you want and how much each of you is willing to compromise, or not. 

If there’s too much difference in your future goals, then you may have to accept that it’s just not meant to be. Things like kids, marriage, and lifestyles are usually deal breakers. 

Different expectations

This can certainly happen in any type of relationship, large age difference or not. But perhaps you’re ready to have children in the next few years, while he already has two and doesn’t want any more. 

Or perhaps you want to live spontaneously and nomadically while working remotely. You want your partner to do the same, but he’s enjoying a slower pace of life and the stability of being in one place. 

Perhaps he’s just looking for some lighthearted fun, and you’re looking for a long-term partner. See where I’m going with all this?

It’s important to understand one another’s expectations for the relationship. If you’re both on the same page, then great! If not, then move on. 

Brings up insecurities

Dating an older man could bring up some insecurities that you may not even be aware of. 

For example, I recently dated an older man with various successful and established businesses. He also had two small children and a family nearby. I, on the other hand, have no kids, live in a different country than my family, and have just recently honed in on a career path that I’m happy with. 

Before him, I was used to dating other nomadic, hippie beings. I usually felt like I had it together in comparison to them. I didn’t even realize how insecure I was about my professional life and the lack of family nearby until I started seeing this new man. 

Dating someone very different from you will bring up many issues, some positive and some negative. Don’t let your insecurities get the best of you. In my case, this guy could care less about the things that made me feel “inferior.” He enjoyed my company. And it was as simple as that for him. 

However, if you’re overwhelmed by insecurities in a new relationship, it may be a great time for some self-reflection. Remember that as wonderful as it is to find a partner and a loving relationship, you are the one that you will be with forever. 

A woman tip toeing to kiss her 10 year older boyfriend
Dating an older guy can be really fun

Is dating an older man for you?

Consider both the positive and negative aspects of dating a man 10 years older than you. If you can get on the same page with the big things, then dating an older man could be just what you need. 

However, remember that dating an older guy isn’t just some magic fix for your dating life. It depends on the man, circumstances, and both of your expectations for the relationship. Communication will be key, just like in any type of relationship. 

So, be open to dating an older man. Even if he’s not a long-term partner, it could open your eyes to a whole new perspective on love and life and everything in between. It could be just what you’ve needed to get out of your dating slump!

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Over the years, Stephanie has had her fair share of dating experiences. While some turned out great, others weren't so great. She believes that relationships are meant to be fun, exciting, and full of laughter. She wants to help men and women become confident, attractive, and successful in their romantic relationships.