Separation in marriage is a close step to divorce. No couple wishes to get there, but sometimes it’s the only option if the marriage isn’t working.
However, few spouses work things out during separation and get back together. One way to do it is to date your spouse during a separation.
Did you recently separate from your husband and are not ready to let go? Well, if you have the zeal, the information in this article will help you date your husband successfully and hopefully win him back.
But before anything else, let’s first understand what I mean by being separated, so we are on the same page.
What does it mean to be separated in marriage?
Separation in marriage means partners taking a break away from each other.
There are different types of separation, a trial, and legal separation. In a trial separation, a couple takes a break from the marriage, but it is considered temporary. It can also be a physical separation where one spouse moves out of their matrimonial home to spend some time alone.
The break is meant to help with soul searching. Alternatively, a spouse may move to another bedroom in the same house if the couple has kids. This is also an option when finances are an issue.
On the other hand, a legal separation involves a court system, and the couple requests to be legally separated.
This involves several steps, including child custody if kids are involved. Since it’s a legal separation, it’s considered permanent, and the next thing is an official divorce.
However, the marriage is still intact in a legal separation. It only ends when there is a successful official divorce.
It’s wise to go for a trial separation before considering a legal separation. Sometimes a physical break or time away from each other solves your marital issues, and you no longer want to be separated.
Again, a legal separation is costly. Some people say it is more expensive than a wedding. But of course, this depends on your state and set regulations.
It’s hard to reverse a legal separation if you no longer want to separate. But for a trial separation, it’s as easy as pie. You are the only ones involved: no lawyer nor a complicated court system. You just decide to get back together, and that’s it.
But before you do, ensure you have solved all your marital issues so you don’t keep repeating the cycle.
Can I Date my Husband While Separated?
You can, but there are several things to consider first. If it’s a trial separation, you only need to involve your husband and find out if he is okay with it.
However, if it’s a legal separation, you must involve your lawyer to determine the legal consequences; in some states, dating while separated affects your separation. In others, there is nothing wrong with dating, and issues only arise if you move in together.
Apart from the legal consequences, you need to consider the issues that led to the separation. Sometimes, especially when any type of abuse is involved, it’s not worth it. But if the issues are petty or can be solved, then you might give it a try.
The point is that nobody should decide on whether to date your husband while separated from you. You know him better and understand the reason for the separation better.
If you are unsure, you can get help from a counselor or an expert in marital issues. Lay everything on the table so they understand where you are coming from.
But I still emphasize that even an expert shouldn’t decide for you. The best they can do is give advice and help you see things clearer.
What to say to your husband during separation
Tell him how you feel about your marriage.
Sometimes separation doesn’t mean things are done. Some couples separate, but not because they want a divorce. They just take a break to work on their emotions and get things in order.
Couples in separation should discuss such things and understand where they stand. If you are not ready to let go, tell your husband that. You should also listen to him so you can understand each other better.
It’s also okay to tell him you love him if you still do. However, don’t expect him to feel the same way. Just speak your mind without expectations and pour everything about the marriage out.
Discuss the reason for your separation and see if you can fix it. The good thing is, during a separation, you are free to speak your mind without fear of judgment. Maybe that’s what you need to save your marriage.
Is it healthy to date your husband while separated?
This is an interesting question. Sometimes it’s healthy; other times it’s unhealthy.
I’m guessing you want to date him because you still love him and want to work things out. Otherwise, you could wait for the divorce and proceed to find another man. Better still, date a different person during your separation, provided there are no legal consequences.
The answer to this depends on your marital issues, specifically the reason for separating. In addition, it depends on you and your husband.
If one of you was toxic in the marriage and never changed no matter how hard you tried, then dating him is unhealthy. Also, if the marriage was toxic and you tried to solve things, but it was impossible, dating won’t solve anything.
Another thing, what is your reason for dating him? Is it to try and solve things or just date with no objective? If both of you agree to give it a try, then you can go for it.
Again, do you have kids? Kids affect your separation and divorce. If they are involved, then they play a huge role. Dating him might be unhealthy if it is affecting your kids.
You see, separation hurts your kids. If you’ve already gone through it and your kids are aware, dating may leave them confused. Actually, it may give them hope that you’ll get back together, and if it doesn’t work, you subject them to the separation trauma afresh.
Whether it’s healthy or not depends on several things. Your emotional stability, the reason for dating him, and third parties (kids) involved.
How to Date Your Husband During a Separation
You’ve analyzed yourself, talked with your husband, and decided to date during your separation. Good for you.
Now your question is how to go about it. Here’s how:
Check with your lawyer
If it’s a legal separation, check with your lawyer before doing anything else. Like I said, dating during separation may attract legal consequences. That’s why it should be the first thing you do to determine your legal status.
Set healthy boundaries
Start by setting healthy emotional boundaries. They will limit how far you can go for him and help you maintain a healthy personal space. This way, he won’t take advantage of your emotions, especially since you will be vulnerable at the moment.
Clarify the reason for dating
People will find it absurd when they find out you are dating your husband while separated. The first question will be why you are doing it.
You might have agreed to start dating, but you still need to clarify the reason with him, not necessarily to have an answer when people ask, but for your own good.
Are you trying to solve things or enjoying each other’s company? Talk things out and be on the same side. You can combine effort and solve your issues when you have the same goal.
Prepare yourself psychologically and adjust to this new phase
You’ve been married for quite some time, and chances are you’ve forgotten how to date someone. Prepare yourself psychologically so you are ready to date again. This allows you to enjoy the experience and find a reason to be happy again.
Revisit your honeymoon destination or the place you went on your first date
During the visit, focus on the good memories you have had together and create new ones. Keep the negative energy aside and try to enjoy every moment with him.
Forget that you know him and try to reconnect
Assume you are on your first date together, and ask him interesting questions about his life, specifically his interests and values.
Try to bond like you would with a new man who has just caught your attention. Put in the work and try to reconnect with him.
Find something new to do together
It could be something none of you have tried before, so you both learn together and create memories. An interesting activity like bowling or boat riding would be great. You can even decide to take an exciting class together, provided both of you are okay with it.
Can Dating Your Husband During Separation Help Save Your Marriage?
It can if he also wants to save the marriage. The moment you agree to separate, you acknowledge things are not perfect.
If your husband supports the idea of dating during your separation, he is also holding on to something in the relationship. This is a positive sign that you can save your marriage.
Dating during a separation rekindles the good memories and proves that you two were not all bad. You also get to reconnect as you spend quality time together.
Again, you are still separated, and as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Though you are dating, you do not see each other’s faces every day as you did during your marriage.
The space allows you to miss each other and appreciate their presence. In addition, it gives you a rough idea of how things could be without the other person around: the lonely nights, having no one to talk to and share your issues with.
With time, you start questioning if that’s what you want in case you go for a divorce. Some couples opt to forgive and work things out when it gets to that. No one wants to start from scratch unless there is nothing to mend.
Another thing, you get to do some soul searching during the separation and work on your imperfections. When you decide to date, your partner will notice the improvements and will see that you are trying to do better.
You should take your time dating before making a decision. There is no need to rush things and end up with another separation or, worse, a divorce. Give each other space to work on their imperfections and be better.
As you date, forget your experience and focus on understanding each other. Dating during a separation creates a favorable environment to reconnect and agree on things. You might think it’s over, but when you start dating, you realize you don’t want to end things.
Though I must say, it should be mutual and healthy. If you both want it, saving your marriage shouldn’t be hard.
A separation is not always the beginning of the end. Sometimes it’s the only remedy to save your marriage. You get to reflect on everything and decide you are not done.
So you approach your husband and talk about dating during the separation. The important thing, you agree to do it to work things out.
With the same objective, you give it your all, and if you are lucky, you make things right.