Definition Of A Player In Dating – So You Don’t Get Heartbroken!

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Definition Of A Player In Dating

A player is someone who ‘plays’ the person they are dating. And by ‘plays,’ I mean pretending to have a romantic interest in several people at the same time.

As the name suggests, players play games. To them, dating is a game and they are there to win at all costs. 

It’s hard to spot a player at first as they are always good at the game. Unsure if you are dating one? This post will help you figure it out.

Let’s get started!

Who Is A Player In Dating?

Man and woman hugging while texting someone else
Man and woman hugging while texting someone else.

A player is someone who fakes being in love with several people at once to achieve a specific goal with every target, mostly sex.

The goal could be as simple as getting a kiss or the attention of the hottest person in a group or as insidious as wanting sex from everyone they claim to love. 

The point is, players engage in a relationship with a specific goal and once they achieve it, they discontinue the relationship or convert it to something that will help them achieve another selfish goal.

For example, a man may start a relationship with a naive girl who believes she is his girlfriend (because he pretends to be her boyfriend). The goal is to manipulate the girl into being his toy so she will have sex with her and once it’s done, he may call it off or set another goal of manipulating her friends and sleeping with them. 

He will say all the right words without meaning them and lie about his romantic feelings while feeling nothing. Simply put, players don’t care about your feelings, they just fake it to get what they want.

They play with emotions, play people, and manipulate situations to meet their selfish personal interests. 

How Do I Know If I’m Dating A Player?

a woman becoming wary of the man she's dating
A woman becoming wary of the man she’s dating.

Though it’s hard to tell if someone you just met is a player, they may behave in a certain way and with time, you may have all the evidence you need.

At first, they will appear to be everything you need in a lover

Caring, loving, always there for you, and very interested in your personal life. 

Players know the rules of the game. They know to win you, they should be affectionate and love you in your love language. Therefore, they will ask about what you like and bring you exactly that.

However, things will be moving faster than expected. Because they are after something, they will convince you they are your perfect match by pressing the right buttons.

With time, they become a central part of your life

You are sharing most of your time with them, texting a lot when you are away from each other and basically falling into the set trap.

At this point, the player is winning your affection, and you probably have said you love them too. 

They are using their charms to prove how important they are in your life. However, the person is sharing less about themselves while learning everything about you.

In the end, you are in too deep

Woman noticing that something is wrong with their relationship
Woman noticing that something is wrong with their relationship.

You have invested your time and feelings into the relationship.

This is the point the player wins by getting whatever they were after. Because you are already too comfortable and can give in to almost anything they ask. 

If you are keen, you start noticing less about this person, but rather some of the things they have been saying don’t add up.

To know if you are dating a player

First, don’t be naive. Analyze his behavior and find out about his previous relationships. Then trust your guts.

1. Don’t be naive

Keep an open mind that someone who seems interested in you could be playing games. It’s sad, but it’s the only way to avoid heartbreaks. But if you assume everyone has pure intentions, you will be blinded from all the clues that prove they are playing you.

2. Analyze his behavior 

While with a girl, a man looks around for other women.
While with a girl, a man looks around for other women.

Most players are always flirty. You might not tell when the person is flirting with you, so watch out for how they behave around other people ❲of the opposite sex❳.

For example, a man may often compliment your female friends. In addition, no beautiful woman will pass without him noticing, so he may turn to look at her or even smile. Once in a while shouldn’t be a problem, but pay more attention when it becomes a habit. 

Besides, players are often insecure about their phones or laptops. So they won’t let you touch it, or if you are allowed to, it’s often wiped out. 

Also, pay more attention to his actions rather than his words.

3. Trust your gut

If things seem too good, maybe they are. For example, does the person seem to be completely out of your league? Is the relationship moving too fast?

If yes, you should be more careful. The person may also promise marriage when you barely know each other. Remember, they are trying to win you over, so if they realize your goal is to settle down, they may use that against you. 

4. Find out about his previous relationships

Only do this when they have given you more than enough reasons to doubt them. If you can, ask around those who know the person and gather as much as possible. 

Warning Signs Of A Player

  • Manipulative
  • Dishonest about who they are and their intentions towards you
  • They don’t say where they stand with you and are overly defensive when you ask if they are seeing someone
  • A player says all the right words and moves things quickly
  • Players talk less about themselves 
Here are the warning signs that you might be dealing with a player

Do Players Fall In Love?

Yes, a player may fall in love when they meet that special person.

However, because they spend almost all their time practicing on those they don’t care about, they may end up heartbroken as they didn’t practice for those they cared for.

A player never intends on falling in love, so when they do, they don’t know how to nurture it, so they mess up and suffer a broken heart. In the end, they revert to being a player as payback.

That’s why they say once a player, always a player, but this doesn’t mean they can’t fall in love; they probably did and screwed up. 

Final Thoughts

A player plays with your emotions and feelings primarily for sexual gain. They are usually more affectionate at first to manipulate you into thinking they love you. Keep an open mind so you notice the signs and avoid being the next victim. 

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Over the years, Stephanie has had her fair share of dating experiences. While some turned out great, others weren't so great. She believes that relationships are meant to be fun, exciting, and full of laughter. She wants to help men and women become confident, attractive, and successful in their romantic relationships.