Does Dating Get Easier As You Get Older?

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Does Dating Get Easier As You Get Older?

Well, it depends. For some it does, while for others it doesn’t. I would be wrong to tell you it gets easier because I had a better experience as I got older. 

The opposite applies. 

If my experience sucked with age, why should I convince you yours will suck too?

Instead, I will tell you what I have learned, and hopefully, that will help in your dating and probably help you understand better.

Let’s get started!

Our Expectations In Dating As We Grow Old

We all expect it to get easier as we grow older, at least, I did. After all, isn’t it supposed to? I mean, you are now mature so you are expected to make better decisions because you understand better.

You know yourself better and have an idea of what you want from a person and out of a relationship. I take it you will do better identifying compatible dates and decide to walk away immediately if it’s not working or your value is not appreciated. 

Again, with age comes maturity so you learn how to treat and understand others as well as compromise whenever necessary. 

Besides, you learn how to communicate better, which is crucial in dating; actually, in almost any relationship.

And if you think communication doesn’t get better with age, hear me out. My friend walked out of a relationship and she couldn’t point out why. She was twenty-one at the moment, and when we asked if the partner was not good enough, she said he was the best.

Which made me confused. 

Dating in their 30s
Dating in their 30s.

How do you walk out on someone you consider the best? At her twenty-sixth birthday party, her ex-boyfriend attended. For some reason, they remained friends, which I find weird but anyway, that’s not the point.

Almost everyone had left, so we were chilling talking about nothing in particular when the ex asked straight up, why did you leave me? Did I do something wrong? All she said was, no you were actually terrific.

‘There are some things I didn’t like in our relationship. And I didn’t know how to tell you. So since I didn’t know how to communicate, I walked away.’

Long story short, they got back together three years now the wedding is early next year. 

And not just communication; with age comes valuable life experiences. You meet different people, make mistakes and learn from them. So you are expected not to repeat your mistakes, as you now know what to do. 

In addition, with age comes stability, almost in all aspects. For example, you get closer to your dreams as you get older. Some get a stable job, thus gaining financial stability. 

This is essential, especially for men, as you can now go places and meet people you can treat on nice dates. 

The Reality

Couple in their 30s flirting on their first date
Couple in their 30s flirting on their first date.

It takes two to tango. You are not alone in a relationship. This means your partner affects your relationship equally enough.

And yes, you might be more mature than you were a few years ago, but what about the other person?

As much as maturity comes with age, it’s more of a life experience. What I mean is, it’s the experiences that teach you. 

Whether it’s the mistakes you made or others made, you’ve got to learn from them. So you come out better.

But what if the other person had no such experiences? Or maybe they did but didn’t learn from them, and if they did, the lessons were totally different.

You see, getting into a relationship with such a person won’t be easy. 

In addition, we all have different personalities, and just because we are older doesn’t mean we are easier to deal with. 

It’s also important to mention that some of us deal with childhood traumas that get worse instead of getting better with age. You don’t expect it to be easy dating someone dealing with such serious issues.

All I have to say is that dating is not a fairytale. You might have your shit together, but the other person is still figuring out things that will affect your relationship.

Does Dating Ever Get Easier?

Couple reacting  during a date that is not going well
Couple reacting during a date that is not going well.

It doesn’t. You may become a better person and start thinking it will be easier, but it gets more challenging if you keep meeting the wrong people. By ‘wrong people’, I mean those who didn’t get better from the lessons they have learned. 

You might do an excellent job of becoming better for others, but if they are not better for you, then there’s a mismatch. 

So, maybe, we can say it gets easier when you have nothing to lose. Probably when we are younger and just experimenting with life, no long-term commitment as we still have time.

But do you have nothing to lose really? You suffer heartbreaks that may cause permanent damage. 

Is It Harder To Date As You Get Older?

I will say yes and give my reasons.

  • With age come responsibilities. You probably don’t have time to date with a busy work schedule and an active social life. Some may even have kids from previous relationships, so putting all these together may be a lot. 
  • Sorry to say but you may be considered ‘damaged goods. Someone may ask why it didn’t work out in your previous relationship or why you are not in one at your age. I know it’s pathetic but it happens.
  • You now understand yourself better, so a potential partner must tick so much in your box. Getting one who ticks everything off is not easy. 
  • You got comfortable in your own space, so it seems like a lot when you try to date. 

However, it also depends if we are asking for men or women. We can’t just dismiss this, it matters in one way or another.

Is Dating Easier In Your 30s As A Man?

Man hugging woman at first date
Man hugging woman at first date.

Generally yes. Because; 

  • You are now more confident, so you can easily attract women.
  • You are better financially than you were in your 20s. This means you can visit lovely places, meet more women, and be considered interesting. Besides, women like wealthy men as they can comfortably take care of them. 
  • If we include experience, then you are more mature. 
  • We also can’t forget that in your 30s, women from 25 and above are looking to settle, so they are at your disposal.

However, this is generally in dating without the assurance of something permanent. Besides, those aiming to only date find it easier than those who date with the intention of a long-term relationship, probably marriage. 

Dating As You Get Older As A Woman

Unlike men, women don’t have time on their side. Their biological clock is ticking, I think, faster than that of men.

If you’ve always wanted kids, it’s even worse. I say this because it reaches a time all you are thinking is getting kids, so you move things too fast and make mistakes. Sadly, life mistakes.

That’s why some women are single parents. And oh! Don’t get me started on dating as a single mum

You may indeed get more confident as you grow, be more stable, more cultured, and generally better than you were at a younger age. But the available uncertainties make things complicated.

Let’s be honest. You are not as attractive in your 40s as you were in your 20s. Men are attracted to physical beauty, among other things. 

For them, physical attraction ranks very high. 

So, when you are dealing with wrinkles and other unattractive things that come with age, a man will be attracted to an eye-catching 23-year-old.

Woman in her 40s still looking beautiful
Woman in her 40s still looking beautiful.

Of course, you are more mature, experienced, and probably have a lot to bring to the table, but that’s not it. Men want that stunning beauty, at least most do.  

Unless you opt for younger men, but even with this, you can’t be sure someone loves you. They are probably there for the goodies that come with the package. 

You are older, so you are wealthier than they are; hence, they can pay for whatever they want and offer nice retreats. 

So, the scenario changes. It becomes more like dating for fun without any hopes of something serious, especially a lifetime commitment. 

It’s unfair, but it’s the sad reality of life. So you are expected to find a partner as you juggle your life when you are attractive. 

Actually, you have to find a partner and enjoy dating. At the same time!

As with age, it may get harder.

Do Relationships Move Faster When You Are Older?

Happy couple in 40s snuggle together in cold climate
Happy couple in 40s snuggle together in cold climate.

They do. Mainly because you are more likely to commit exclusively than when you were younger.

This is because your biological clock is ticking. And if you want kids, you think about settling down and starting bearing children right away. 

Besides, our priorities in life shift as we get older. 

It’s no longer about who is the best player or who attends the most amazing parties. It’s more about who has a stable relationship and who has everything together.

We can also go with the assumption that you now know better, so you make better choices in partners. Those who want the same things as you do.

Bottom Line

Dating gets easier with age for some, while for others it doesn’t. And though it’s expected to be easier because you are all grown, and hence capable of making better choices in terms of partners.

Although you can strive to be better for others, unless they are also growing and trying to be better for you, it won’t get easier.

All we can do is play our parts. You have to become better mainly for yourself because if you learn from your mistakes, you are unlikely to repeat them.

Be a better person and hope the others are doing the same. 

After all, if we all did that, wouldn’t we make the whole dating experience better? Even easier as we get older?

Photo of author


Over the years, Stephanie has had her fair share of dating experiences. While some turned out great, others weren't so great. She believes that relationships are meant to be fun, exciting, and full of laughter. She wants to help men and women become confident, attractive, and successful in their romantic relationships.