What comes to mind when you hear the term “DOM” in dating? Well, DOM is short for dominant.
But, what does it mean in dating?
That’s what we are going to find out. This post uncovers the meaning of DOM in dating and explains the common rules in DOM SUB relationships.
Let’s start with the meaning.
What is a DOM in Dating?
To start with, DOM is the first three letters in the word dominant. So basically, the term “DOM” means dominant.
In dating, the term refers to a person who likes being in charge. They like to have power over the other person.
Being a DOM means you’re in authority, so you can not only control others (who want and consent to it), but you are also in control of yourself.
It is a common term in the kinky BDSM world. BDSM is an abbreviation for Bondage Discipline (or dominance), Sadism, and Masochism.
BDSM is characterized by unequal power in romantic or sexual activity. Going by definition, it includes erotic practices and role-playing involving bondage, discipline (dominance), submission, and sadomasochism.
A DOM is a person with power in a BDSM game. This person dominates the other and finds sexual pleasure in inflicting sexual pain on the other person. In short, the dominant controls all sexual activities, so the other person has no say in them.
To paint a perfect picture, the dominant may use a remote-controlled sex toy on the person where they control their orgasms. The fun lies in denying the person orgasms when they are in the climax or forcing an orgasm on them. The dominant person derives sexual pleasure from that.
It’s important to note that BDSM is consensual, so nobody is forcing anyone to do anything. The person being controlled enjoys it and derives sexual pleasure from being submissive.
What is the meaning of Dom girl?
A Dom girl is a woman who dominates her partner in a sadomasochistic encounter.
Simply, the woman is the DOM in BDSM. So she controls the partner during sexual intimacy and gives orders.
In a sexual encounter involving straight people, the woman is the DOM while the man is the SUB.
What is a “SUB” in Dating?
SUB is short for submissive. Like in dominant, the abbreviation is the first three letters of the word submissive.
We’ve covered the meaning of DOM in BDSM, but for more clarity, you should understand what a SUB is in dating.
As I said, DOM is the person dominating a BDSM game. They control all the sexual activity involved and give orders to the other party. A SUB is the person being controlled. They derive sexual pleasure from being submissive to the DOM.
For a BDSM game to be completed, two parties, SUB and DOM, are involved. The two terms come from the understanding that one person dominates while the other submits.
A SUB submits to any sexual commands or orders from a DOM. Sometimes it gets extreme to the point where the DOM inflicts severe sexual pain on a SUB. One such common practice is when the DOM spanks a SUB so hard that it leaves marks on the SUB’s body.
What Does DOM Couple Mean?
In most cases, a DOM SUB relationship is not something long-term. What I mean is that the two just decide to have some BDSM fun together, but nothing beyond that. They can even engage in BDSM several times or frequently, but the relationship is strictly DOM SUB.
However, some take their relationship to another level. So they become a couple where one person is a DOM and the other is a SUB. In such a case, they are referred to as a DOM couple or coupledom.
So basically, the DOM and SUB live as a couple, but their interest in each other goes beyond the normal romantic relationship.
Though I must say, the BDSM aspect is only in bedroom matters. So the couple is as normal as any other romantic couple but only different during sexual intimacy.
Therefore, the DOM does not dominate the relationship in other aspects. The couple has equal rights in the relationship until it’s time for the bedroom.
The couples love and care about each other as in any other relationship. In fact, you can’t notice the difference in their relationship unless they tell you their secret or you catch them in the act.
Common Rules in a DOM SUB Relationship
Sometimes the sexual activities in BDSM become too extreme. And since the DOM has all the power, it would be unfair to subject the SUB to anything uncomfortable.
The SUB might have consented to the relationship, but what about when things are unbearable?
That’s where the rules come in. Every DOM SUB relationship has rules. Some of the common DOM SUB rules include:
1. Use of safe words
Safewords are words used to end a BDSM play instantly. So before engaging in BDSM, parties involved should discuss and set the safe word to be used.
Sometimes two safe words are set. One to signal you are approaching your limit, so you should pause and take a break, and the other to signal you can’t take it anymore, so you should stop immediately, no questions asked.
Safe words are meant to protect the SUB.
2. Discussing expectations and limits before BDSM
As I said, BDSM is consensual, so those involved should discuss the expectations and limits before the encounter.
How far it should go and how to stop if things get too hot. This is essential as things may get out of hand or be uncomfortable.
And not just for the SUB; sometimes, the person playing the DOM feels the SUB is asking too much, and they can’t handle it. Not necessarily during the act but when discussing the expectations.
The DOM might agree to the SUB’s expectations but find it hard to continue during the actual act.
3. Aftercare after the act
When I say aftercare, I don’t mean hygiene measures. Of course, those involved should observe safe sex measures, but my point is far from that.
Aftercare means those involved talking after BDSM and reassuring that what transpired doesn’t reflect their real-life personality.
Specifically, with the DOM reassuring the SUB that they can even cuddle and enjoy some quality time after the act. Simply, things get back to normal after BDSM, and there are no more DOMs and SUBs but actual humans with equal rights and attractive personalities.
DOM SUB Aspect in Real Life
The most common DOM SUB aspect in real life is in the popular “Fifty Shades of Grey,” where Anastacia is the SUB and Christian is the DOM.
However, it’s important to note that their relationship doesn’t necessarily reflect BDSM. This is because Christian onboards the inexperienced Anastacia into BDSM dynamics without discussing the SUB DOM aspects.
Simply, Christian assumes the DOM role without them coming to a mutual understanding of the kinky sex.
Again, Anastacia lives in Christian’s house, and Christian facilitates her being on birth control. This is Christian being in control away from BDSM and past the DOM character aspect in BDSM.
Maybe we can agree that the DOM SUB aspect is only reflected in the bedroom and their rough sex but ignore the other aspects in the movie.
DOM SUB relationships are out of this world. The parties involved find sexual pleasure in either submitting to or dominating each other.
The good thing is that it should be consensual, which means those involved enjoy every aspect, and even when they don’t, there are safety measures to signal an end.
It may sound extreme, but some people enjoy kinky BDSM sex.