Flirting is how you express your attraction to someone through subtle (or not-so-subtle) cues. You want to show them you’re into them and want them to notice you in the same way as well.
It’s okay if you don’t know how to flirt on a first date. Flirting on a date can be challenging. Well, some people are natural flirters; they know just what to do and say to capture their date’s attention with a charming conversation. However, for others, flirting can be awkward.
If you’re wondering how to improve your flirting skills, this article is for you. We’ll look at what flirting is, why it’s essential, and how to get better at it.
What is flirting?
Flirting is a behavior or form of communication, often involving body language, to show someone that you have an eye on them. Simply put, flirting is a way to connect and let someone know that you’re interested in them without actually saying it out loud.
While flirting is often a playful activity, sometimes it’s an invitation to connect on a deeper level.
The way people flirt is so subjective that some people were born flirts, others are better at flirting over the phone than in person, and vice versa.
Why do people flirt?
According to David Dryden Henningsen, a professor at Northern Illinois University, there are six reasons why people flirt.
- To establish a romantic connection and gauge if the other person is interested in reciprocating the connection
- To boost or increase self-esteem
- To establish sexual contact
- For fun
- To increase intimacy
- To persuade or encourage someone to do something for them, especially in the workplace
How to flirt on a date?
You don’t need to overthink it. Here are some tips for successfully flirting on a date.
Eye contact is a powerful yet subtle weapon for flirting. It’s intimate, builds tensions, and shows you’re confident and available.
Fun fact: Regular eye contact between friends or acquaintances lasts for about three seconds. So, when you want to flirt with your date, you can hold it a little longer (between four and a half seconds and five seconds). Longer than that might get awkward.
You can make eye contact naturally during the conversation. After you’ve held it for a couple of seconds and captured their attention, you can now look down slowly to appear as if you’re looking at the floor or are shy.
If you’re bold enough and want to make your intentions known, you can focus your eyes on other features such as the lips or chest. Note that this is too suggestive, and you should only use it if you’re aware that your date is interested in you as well.
Once you’ve looked away for a bit, bring your eyes back to meet theirs. At this point, they might have a “look” on their face because it’s clear that you’re flirting with them. Now you can look away and continue engaging in the conversation.
You can do it again later in the conversation if you want to appear coy.
“A smile is worth a thousand words.” – American proverb.
A happy, intense smile can work wonders. The best way to achieve the maximum benefit is by making eye contact when smiling. This is a deadly combination that is capable of capturing anyone’s attention.
There are three ways to use your smile to flirt with someone;
- Subtle- smile when your lips are together and lift an eyebrow
- Coy- smile and tilt your head down slightly
- Funny- smile with a bit of ice cream or coffee foam on your lips
Lock eyes, give a genuine, flirty smile, then look away smiling or blushing.
Mirror their body language
One of the quickest ways to create a sense of intimacy with someone is by mirroring their body language. Two people who are attracted to each other usually end up in sync.
Mirroring is when you copy or mimic someone’s body language, including speech and nonverbal behavior such as sitting position, posture, and facial expressions. It tells someone that you understand them and connect with them on a deeper level—like you just get them. It’s a great way to “test the waters” and gauge your date’s level of attraction or interest.
Mirroring is often unconscious, but you can trigger it deliberately. So, when talking to someone you’re on a date with, you can subtly match their body language (it shouldn’t be open and direct). It could be something simple like sipping a drink simultaneously, crossing or uncrossing legs, cracking knuckles, or facing in the same direction.
However, don’t overdo it or try to copy everything they’re doing, as that could get awkward and annoying. Do the least you can and do it right.
Give a compliment
Let’s be honest for a minute. Who doesn’t love a compliment? Genuine compliments are a great way to flirt because they are lovely, flattering, and make us feel noticed and appreciated. On top of that, a compliment can be a good conversation starter.
Here are some great tips for the best date compliments.
- Offer authentic compliments. Remember that people can smell fake compliments from a mile away.
- Compliment specific features. Rather than saying, ‘you are beautiful,’ which is also lovely, try to compliment a specific feature. Perhaps they have beautiful eyes or a friendly smile. Tell them about their favorite features.
- Don’t overdo it. Long-winded compliments can come off as awkward or too intense.
- Compliment non-physical traits. Do they have a good fashion sense? Or good taste in music? It’s good to praise their interests and character.
- Avoid over-explaining your compliments, as this shows a lack of confidence on your part.
- Don’t exaggerate.
The most effective flirting technique is to use questions to draw attention to you. Ask your date questions to find out what they think, feel, or believe about you.
For example, let’s say you’re planning on getting a new hair color. Ask them which color they think suits you best. This is a subtle way to flirt, which is directly related to the potential attraction to you.
While asking questions, pay attention to how they respond. Flirting is effective when both parties are attracted to one another. So, don’t push harder if you get one-word responses or notice they’re uncomfortable.
Be a good listener
Genuinely listening can make people feel like their emotions are validated. So, it’s simple: talk less and listen more.
Here are some tips to help you become a good listener.
- Make eye contact
- Be fully present – no phones or scrolling through social media
- Keep an open mind
- Ask questions
- Give feedback when necessary
Use humor or witty responses
Who doesn’t like a good laugh? Humor is an attractive trait to both men and women. So if you’re naturally funny, you can show off that side of you and make your date laugh a bit.
The truth is, a sense of humor is not about cracking jokes. It shows the other person that you don’t take everything too seriously and that you have a lighter side to situations. However, avoid joking at other people’s expense because that is not funny.
Flirting is natural human behavior, especially when you like someone or are attracted to them. We hope that you found this article helpful. The key to successfully flirting on a first date is to be as comfortable and confident as possible and then focus on showing the other person that you’re attracted to them.
Also, it’s important to note that it should be consensual for both parties. If the other person seems uncomfortable, step back. It happens in some cases.
For the most part, have fun while at it.