How to Turn On Your Girlfriend: 8 Ways to Juice Up the Romance

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How to Turn On Your Girlfriend 8 Ways to Juice Up the Romance

You’ve turned down the lights, lit some candles, and put on some Marvin Gaye in the background. You’re fully expecting you and your girlfriend to make some magic happen tonight. 

But, to your dismay, she’s not interested. 

You’re stumped. You’ve set the mood. What went wrong?

Well, how were you treating your girlfriend all day and all week leading up to this moment? Were you interrupting her work stories? Interjecting with unasked advice? Did you even remember to ask about the presentation she had that was stressing her out in the first place?

Before you even reach for that lighter and some sexy music, make sure you’re treating your girlfriend right.


Not just with the intention of sex, but because you care about her. 

How to turn on your girlfriend is easy if you are a caring boyfriend. We’ll give you some tips if you feel like you’ve been striking out in the magic area lately. 

How to Turn On Your Girlfriend

How to Turn On Your Girlfriend
How to Turn On Your Girlfriend

Here are some things you can do to turn your girlfriend on.

Really Care

The first step of the Girlfriend Club: care about your girlfriend and tell everyone you do. 

Okay, okay, I got a little carried away with that reference there, but the idea is there. 

No, there is no need to shout your love for your girlfriend from the rooftops, but she should know how you feel. There are simple ways to show her that she matters to you. 

Start with an easy thing: caring. What do I mean by that? 

Show an interest in her life. Did she just start learning how to use a loom? Ask how it’s going! Has she been nonstop stressed about work? Let her vent.

The key to caring is asking your girlfriend questions about her. Seems revolutionary, right? Wrong! It shouldn’t and if it does to you, then we’ve got our answer as to why your attempts to take things further aren’t working out. 

Ask what your girlfriend has going on at work, with friends, and with her family. She’ll love that you care and want to learn more about her. These topics will often bring up opportunities for deeper discussion. 

Even better! The more in touch you are with each other, the sexier the relationship becomes. 

You’ve done your work. You’ve asked all about her. Well, don’t just ignore the fact that her mom is having surgery on Thursday. Follow up that day! Or ask about it afterward. 

Remember the things that your girlfriend tells you and then check in on them. 

She’ll appreciate that you asked in the first place and that you listened to what she said. Remembering and checking in on things shows that you care about your girlfriend. And screw the dating mind games of the past; caring is sexy. 

A guy listening to his girlfriend
A guy listening to his girlfriend

Make connections

Alright, you’ve shown her you care, regularly, by asking questions about her and then remembering and following up on them. That’s great!

But, to make a real connection with your girlfriend, you’re going to have to do some sharing as well. Sorry, but the connection is also sexy. 

So, how do you connect with your girlfriend on a deeper level? Share things with her. Long gone are the days of having a macho man who doesn’t talk about their feelings.

Chances are, she’s asking about you. Don’t give one-word answers; take advantage of having a best friend that you also like making out with. Tell her what’s going on in your life. You’ll probably have similar struggles or even successes. 

Those connections will help you both feel closer to each other. 

Try to share more than just your Saturday pick-up basketball game scores, as interesting and important as those may be to you. Share your feelings. I know, I know, you thought this article was going to be about turning on your girlfriend. Well, it is. 

The more you share, the deeper your bond will be. That in itself is a huge turn-on. You’re welcome. 

A couple having a deep conversation while lying on the be together
A couple having a deep conversation while lying on the be together

Kiss well

Alright, so, up until now, it’s been purely emotional connections. Now, it’s time to get physical (and I’m talking about intimacy).

A kiss is extremely telling. If the woman you’re trying to turn on is your girlfriend, then she probably knows how you kiss and finds it at least adequate. But is that what you’re going for?

No, we want a kiss that she tells her friends about. A kiss done well is super sensual and the best foreplay. You don’t need candles and crazy new sex positions to have great sex. But, you do need sexy kisses. 

I usually know what sex is going to be like with someone based on how they kiss. And let me tell you, sensual kissers take the cake as the best in the bedroom. 

Are you confident now or stressing about your lip-locking skills?

Don’t worry… If your kissing skills aren’t there yet, you can improve! 

A perfect kiss should start slow and build up—just like great sex. That means don’t go all-in with your tongue as soon as your lips make contact; savor the moment. 

You can even take her lead if you’re not sure. If you let her, she’ll show you what she likes. 

A couple kissing passionately
A couple kissing passionately

Take care of yourself

So, no, I don’t mean show up for your date wearing the same t-shirt you wore to watch Star Wars while simultaneously using it as a napkin for your hands, which were covered in Cheeto dust. 

You don’t have to change your entire wardrobe or wear super fancy things when you see your girlfriend. But, sure, splurge on a new shirt. And if you’re going out for a nice meal at a nice place, yeah, dress it up a bit!

Do you like seeing your girlfriend dressed to the nines? High heels, tight dresses, sexy hairdos? Is it a turn-on for you? Well, guess what? It works both ways. 

She’ll love to see you dressed up now and again, especially if it’s not something you usually do. 

It’s sexy to be with someone who takes care of themselves. That includes dressing nicely or, at the very least, appropriately for the situation. 

I should hope this next part goes without saying, but speaking from experience, I know it doesn’t. Just like you want to look nice, you also want to smell nice. 

If you’re hoping to turn on your girlfriend, go ahead and take that shower. No need to bathe yourself in cologne, although I do like a nice, musty cologne smell on my men. A shower with soap should do the trick. Yes, a deodorant works too. And sure, lots of ladies like aftershave or cologne. 

Odor can be a huge turn-off. Don’t let some stink put a damper on your sexy plans together. Thoroughly bathe and put on some nice, fresh clothes. She’ll appreciate the minimal effort and will love cuddling up to her nice, clean man. 

A guy getting ready in front of a mirror
A guy getting ready in front of a mirror

Compliment her

I hope you give your girlfriend compliments. If not, let’s just start there. You should. 

Your compliments, however, need to be genuine and thoughtful. Sure, “You look great,” is nice enough and feels good sometimes. But, we’re going to occasionally want more than that. 

How to make your compliments genuine? Uh… really mean what you say. What do you love about your girlfriend? What’s something unique about her that turns you on? Tell her! No need to keep the mystery to yourself. She’s not a mind reader. 

Get specific with your compliments. Share them with her in the moment, when it’s natural. Maybe she does something especially cute or endearing at dinner. Tell her then and there! 

You can (and should) get sexy with your compliments as well. What do I mean by that? Compliment her in the bedroom. What does she do that you love? How does she look in the moment and how does it turn you on? 

Compliment her sexually and she’ll be sure to be turned on. It’s also a great way to tell her a bit more about what you like in the bedroom. Men are often not communicative during sex, which can be confusing for a woman. Let her know what you like, and she’ll love to keep doing it for you. 

While many of us aren’t great at receiving compliments, we still like being showered with them. It’s nice to be appreciated, especially by someone you love. 

Make your compliments genuine and meaningful and your girlfriend will be in a perpetual state of bliss in the relationship. Well, not really, but she will appreciate it. 

And, you guessed it again, compliments are sexy. In particular, compliments about sex. 

A woman getting compliments from her date
A woman getting compliments from her date

Figure her out 

Women are complicated, and everyone is unique. Don’t assume that what works sexually for one woman will work for another. You’ve got to figure out what your girlfriend likes. 

Get out your Sherlock Holmes hat and let’s do some sexual mystery solving. No, I’m kidding. You don’t have to go at this like a detective. Honestly, you should just communicate with your girlfriend about her sexual preferences. She’ll want to know yours, too!

When it comes to sex, don’t assume. Always communicate before trying something new. Nothing will turn off your girlfriend by being too surprised by some new fetish during sex that has never been discussed previously. 

Have a sex-themed dinner if you like. Or spend some time after perfecting your kissing skills by discussing sexual preferences. Take the time to have this discussion. Your sex life will benefit from it. 

Certain fetishes, role-play, and maybe even sexting, are not for everyone. Chat about what you are both on board with. And then start having some fun with it!

Does she love a nude from her boyfriend in the morning? Well, start practicing your sexy photo-taking angles! Does she have a thing for men in uniform? Head to the costume store! 

Once you’ve discussed sexual fantasies and preferences, you’ll open the door to more intimacy in the relationship. And intimacy can be very sexy, as can role play. 

A couple talking about their sexual fantasies
A couple talking about their sexual fantasies

Keep her guessing

So we said no big, unannounced fetish surprises during sex, right? Well, that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be any mystery at all. 

Routine gets old and monotonous. It’s what can kill relationships. You’ve got to get creative and keep things interesting so that you don’t fall into a relationship slump. 

How can you do that? Simple things, really. Send a sexy text during the day. Set up a surprise date in the living room. Plan an unexpected trip. Learn a little strip tease to perform for her. 

There are lots of ways to keep the magic alive and exciting. Just tap into that creative energy. 

Surprising her is an obvious and easy way to keep her guessing. You can do little things, like slipping a cute note into her purse that she’ll find during work. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. A little bit will go a long way. 

Mix things up sexually as well. Don’t fall into the same routine of lovemaking: same positions, same time at night. Throw her some morning lovin’ with her coffee. Or try out that new Kamasutra position you’ve been stretching for. 

She’ll like it if you take charge and try to keep things exciting. It shows that you are interested and that you care. And what did we say about caring? That’s right—it’s sexy. 

A woman reading a sexy text from her boyfriend
A woman reading a sexy text from her boyfriend

Take care of her

OK, just to drive home my point here, I’ve added this last one. This goes along with really caring for her and showing her that you care. 

I don’t mean that you need to be constantly doting on your girlfriend. That’s turned me off quite a few times. But, there are moments when you just want someone to be there for you. So, do that for her. 

She probably does it for you as well. Relationships, where both partners love and take care of each other, are super special… and super sexy. 

Does she usually do the cooking? Learn how to make a dish you know she’ll like and treat her to a night off. Want to impress her? Do the dishes as well!

Has she been training for a marathon and is complaining about an achy body? Learn how to give her a nice massage that will help her muscles recover. While you’re at it, learn how to give a sexier massage as well. She’ll love having both. 

Do something special that lets her know that you are there for her. You’re even willing to go out of your comfort zone to take care of her. She’ll return the favor if it’s not something she doesn’t already do. And you’ll end up with a loving and caring relationship. 

Yes, yes, a loving and caring relationship is the sexiest!

A man massaging his girlfriend
A man massaging his girlfriend

Caring Turns her on 

If you’re in a relationship with someone, then they’re looking for more than just a super passionate, ‘rip your clothes off immediately’ type of sex life. They’re looking for a partner who supports them not just physically but emotionally as well. 

A bad relationship is the biggest sexual turn-off. The best way to turn on your girlfriend is by being a loving and caring partner. 

Sure, keep things spicy in the bedroom, but couple it with genuine interest and connection. 

If she’s not in the mood sometimes, respect that. We can’t want sex all the time. Try talking with her instead. It’ll work out better in the long run. 

Turning ]your girlfriend on is important, but don’t focus solely on sex in a committed relationship. It’s not just a hookup — it’s a partnership. Sex is extremely important, but so is everything else. 

Turning her on starts with being there for her. And, of course, the occasional sexy surprise.

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Sarah is a writer at While she enjoys writing on a variety of topics, her favorite is dating and relationships. She’s curious about dating trends and how they continuously evolve. When dating gets hard, she likes to find humor and reason in the situations that she affronts. Through a combination of personal experience and research, Sarah loves connecting with readers through her pieces on their shared dating experiences.