Fighting in relationships is natural if it’s healthy and not toxic. But, seeking a resolution after a fight is often the hardest. If you argue with your girlfriend, it is better to text her to keep the lines of communication open.
But what should you text her after a fight? And how can you move forward? What do you do? Text her now or later? How much time should you give her? These are all valid questions to consider before you send a message.
Since no one size fits all, it depends on many factors. But most importantly, thoughtful communication.
Should you text her after an argument?
Sometimes, no one is wrong, and no one has to apologize. In such situations, both of you need to pause a bit and take some time to calm down.
If you think you’re in the wrong, it’s essential to reach out to her after you have paused, reflected, and calmed down. That’s the only way you can reason and work towards recovery.
Often, a verbal apology is more feasible than a written apology. It lets you show sincerity through non-verbal cues such as body language, facial expressions, and the tone of your voice- showing sincerity and remorse.
Still, a written apology is effective and can provide the same advantage, especially to those who find it hard to communicate in person or prefer to express their thoughts through writing.
A text is an effective way of apologizing while still giving her some space to cool down.
How to start a conversation after a fight
Arguing with your girlfriend sucks. You can go a little overboard when emotions are aroused and say things you might regret later. Consequently, this period after a fight is emotionally draining and confusing.
Texting her is one step toward recovery and possibly ending the distance between the two of you. Here is a simple guide to help you prepare before typing that message.
1. Calm down
There are so many emotions involved during a fight. Normal feelings of anger, resentment, fear, aggression, and much more can be present. There can be shouting and, sometimes, even hurling insults during the heat of the moment.
The first step you should take to try and diffuse the situation is to make sure your emotions are in check. Here are a few tips to help you calm down.
- Take deep breaths. Breathing can help you feel calm and even help you gain perspective, giving you clarity on how you feel.
- Don’t text when her emotions are still high. If she’s still mad at you, fall back and give her some space. How can you tell she’s still mad? She will say stuff or do things to provoke you. Just respectfully avoid saying stuff back in return and walk away if this happens.
- Distract yourself. I know this doesn’t sound ideal and might seem like you’re postponing your issues, but it works. By distracting, I mean do something you enjoy. Do you like working out? Reading? Taking your dog for a walk? Please do it.
Calming down brings positivity since your body and mind are in balance. Additionally, it gives you time to practice how you want to express yourself.
2. Go over what was wrong and take responsibility for it
Once you’re calm, think about what and how the fight started. Ask yourself these questions; what did you do? What did you say to provoke the fight? Is there something you should have done or said differently?
Once you have all the answers, write them down as this is the basis of your message. As a man, it’s hard to put your pride down, but you need to analyze the situation and think objectively.
Once you’ve put this together, type away what you need to say to her.
3. What do you want to say to her?
After analyzing the situation, is it something you can fix? Sometimes, you can fix some issues while others are deal-breakers. If you can’t resolve it, it’s unfortunate that you might have to break up.
In case of a slight misunderstanding, here are some tips for you:
- Use a kind and respectful tone.
- Take ownership of your actions without placing blames or excuses.
- Say you’re sorry and don’t end the apology with a “but.” Keep things positive, remember? Negative messages can escalate the fight more.
- Don’t demand an apology from her. Even if you feel like she owes you an apology, send your apology and give her time to process everything.
Texts to send your girlfriend after a fight
Here are some text ideas on what to say depending on your goal.
When you feel terrible about something you said/did
You can try this,
“I’m so sorry for what I said/did (be specific about it). I’ve been thinking about how that made you feel, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to repair our relationship. What can I do to make it right?”
You can also try something like:
“I realized that I was rude to you, and I know I hurt your feelings. I’ll be careful with what I say or do from now on. I didn’t mean to hurt you or be insensitive to you.”
These texts let her know you’re aware of your actions or behavior and that it was wrong. They also show that you’re remorseful and willing to make it right and that your intentions are pure.
When you’re not feeling heard
Communication is important in a relationship, and being heard by your partner is a significant component of effective communication in a relationship. Not feeling heard can make you feel neglected. As a result, causing regular fights.
“I thought about what happened, and I don’t feel like you understand it from my perspective. We most definitely can’t agree on everything, but it’s really important to me that my concerns are heard and validated. Can we find time to talk about this?”
When sending such a message, you must use “I statements” and express how this makes you feel.
When you’re feeling hurt
“I wanted to let you know that I’m hurt and upset by what happened. I’d love to sit down and talk about it to address this together.”
“I feel deeply hurt that you said/did (insert action), and I feel (describe how you feel). Please tell me your side of it so we can work on resolving this issue and moving on from it.)
When composing such a message, it’s important to let her know how you’re feeling without putting her on the defense. Here are some tips to address this;
- Keep the tone non-reactive. Be level-headed to open the channel for an honest conversation without attacks and accusations. Let her feel like you’re willing to negotiate.
- Keep it short and brief.
- Avoid provocative language
When you overreacted
Maybe you realized that perhaps you were out of control and overreacted. In this case, you need to be honest about it and be humble about it.
Here’s an example of what you can say.
“I’ve been thinking about what happened, and I recognize that I overreacted. I’m so sorry that I hurt you, and I’m going to work on regulating my emotions and communicating better in the future. I promise to do better moving forward. Let me know how I can make it up to you.”
Fights are common in every relationship. In some instances, they are intense, while they’re not so serious in others. The most fundamental thing to remember in all this is to focus on the how rather than the why.
Don’t obsess over why the fight ensued; focus on how you can resolve it while still being kind to her: this is the key to effective conflict resolution with your girl.