Texting has become the modern language of love. If you can’t flirt via texts, you’re now at a huge disadvantage in our tech-forward dating world. Whether you’ve met your new love interest at a coffee shop or, more likely, on a dating app, knowing what to say to keep her awaiting your charming messages is key.
Let’s face it – our attention spans aren’t what they used to be. As we pop from screen to screen, app to app, it can be easy to dismiss messages that don’t catch your eye. So, how to really impress a girl over text?
Sending the perfect messages to really impress that girl over text and get their attention doesn’t have to be a stressful and confusing mission. Following some simple guidelines will help to gain the attention of that someone special.
How to impress a girl over text
Maybe you consider yourself to be charming but just aren’t into placing too much effort into the text game. Or maybe writing has never been your thing and flirting through a device is giving you crazy anxiety. Whatever the reason that has you doubting your ability to win over your new crush, forget it.
Texting, as a major component in the modern dating world, is here to stay. Let’s call it the new love letter (as Shakespeare rolls over in his grave). But, it can actually be fun and straightforward if you keep some things in mind.
Define the goal of the interaction
Dating is just like anything in life; without clear goals or some sort of vision, it’s unlikely that anything will come to fruition. So, the first step in how to impress a girl over text is to define what you want.
Just a hookup
So, are you just lurking on the dating apps trying to find a one-night stand? If so, that will seriously change the interaction you’re about to have via text.
No, that doesn’t mean that all general courtesy and respect be damned. What it means is that you should be upfront about looking for something physical only.
The convenient thing is that on dating apps, you can actually say that in your profile. I recommend putting it there. That way, if someone decides to match with you, they are probably on the same page.
Even though you’re only looking for something physical, your potential hookup still needs to be treated with respect. Don’t flood her with nudes. Treat her like a human being so that no one is left feeling bad during the text exchange.
Casual dating
Ok, so you’re looking for something deeper than just sex, but less than a committed relationship. These can be tricky waters to navigate.
Again, the most important thing is to be upfront about what you’re looking for. Make sure you tell your potential dating partner that you aren’t into something serious. Why waste either of your time or leave anyone feeling jilted or misled?
Casual dating texting is a fine balance of being kind, caring, and interested but doing it in a less frequent manner. Casual dating doesn’t mean you treat someone like you’re indifferent to them. It just means that there need to be clear boundaries and limits set in order for both people to enjoy the situation.
Texting can play a key role in that. Be interested. Remember the things she tells you and ask about them. But don’t set the precedent of texting every day. Occasional, less committed texts send a casual message. Embrace them.
Committed relationship
You’re over hookups. You’re done with casual. You want to be texting someone what you should pick up for dinner and bring home to enjoy together while chatting about your annoying coworkers.
It’s like a broken record, but be clear that you are looking for something serious. There’s no point in trying to win someone over who just isn’t in the emotional headspace for a relationship. Most of the time, it won’t work out well for you.
Your texts should show that you are kind, caring, and most importantly, available. One-word texts aren’t going to fly. Your potential mate will think you aren’t interested and can’t give her the attention or support that a good relationship should have.
The frequency of the texts will depend a lot on the individuals. Some women want daily texts, while it may annoy others. As you get to know your crush, these things will become clear. But, when in doubt, straight up ask.
Or if frequent texting is annoying to you, tell her that. If you want to be in a relationship with her, why have to be constantly texting if you can’t stand it? She’ll most likely understand and appreciate the honesty. Just don’t leave her guessing about your interest level.
Texting via a dating app
So, she’s got photos that impressed you, you both matched, and you’re ready to send her a message, except that you have no idea what to send. How you text without ever having met someone in person is going to change the texting dynamic slightly.
Don’t come across too strong
It seems that the stereotype is that women are often the ones scaring off men by coming across as too strong. Wrong. It goes both ways.
This means not telling a woman you love her within the first few messages. And it also means not sending immediate nudes. Doing either of those things will freak out a sane woman.
Play it cool but interested. Avoid the standard, “Hi beautiful.” Instead, try commenting on her photos, referencing more than just her looks. “Beautiful photos. I see you enjoy backpacking as well.”
Ask thoughtful questions
After you’ve got through the intro message and she’s sent over a response. Now is your chance to show her you can have a real conversation.
Trying a follow-up question to a photo she has up is usually a good way to get things rolling. Or move on to something else. Ask about her profession, hobbies, travels, etc. Honestly, what you talk about isn’t the most important thing. It’s how you talk about it.
Ask her questions and then follow them up. Integrate your personality into the interaction so that she has a feel for who you are. Don’t interrogate her, but don’t bogart the conversation. It should be an equal give and take.
Careful with sexual innuendos
Nothing will kill a pleasant conversation more than the offensive or inappropriate addition of sexual innuendos. Honestly, I’d steer clear of this topic until after you’ve met or actually slept together. And, depending on her personality, maybe not even then.
A slight exception to this rule may be if you and your crush are looking for a one-night stand. I want to be very clear: that doesn’t mean a lack of respect. You should still treat a hookup with respect. However, the conversation may drift back to the sexual.
Test the waters with a PG-13 comment before moving on to MA. See her reaction. If she’s down, then have all the sexting fun you want. If not, move on to something else.
Ask for a date
The key to meeting the face behind the screen when interacting on a dating app is to get to the meetup part of the interaction fairly quickly. Most women don’t want to be having an endless conversation into the void. They want to put a real, live face to the messages.
If you’ve had some nice back and forth messages, then take the plunge and ask if she’d like to meet up. Then actually make the plan to do so. The longer you spend chatting with someone you haven’t met, the more likely they are to meet someone else, lose interest, or maybe even ghost you.
Texting before the first date
So, you’ve got the number of someone you like and now you have to figure out what to do with it. The texts before the actual first date are key – otherwise, that date may never happen.
Ask about her
Don’t be annoying and ask her what she’s having for lunch. But ask how her day went. Or if she’s told you about something specific she has going on, follow up on it.
People appreciate being remembered and thought of, so be considerate with your questions. However, you don’t need to be texting all day, every day. An occasional text is nice, but constant messaging can become a stressor. You don’t want to become another chore in her daily life.
Respond thoughtfully
Now, don’t panic, but she will probably ask about you as well. That’s how all healthy conversations and relationships should work, with give and take.
Don’t give her one-word answers. She’ll take them as disinterest and may write you off. Respond to what she asks in a thoughtful manner. Be willing to share about yourself so she feels comfortable doing the same.
Don’t give away too much
Now, while you shouldn’t give one-word answers, you also don’t want to blurt out your whole life story via text before you’ve ever even gone on a date with this person.
Be mindful of what you choose to share. Remember, you’re still getting to know each other. Don’t overwhelm her by sharing too much. Find the balance between sharing and oversharing.
Make a date plan
We’ve all gotten stuck in the vortex of endless messages with no plan of meeting ever being made. What usually happens? Someone loses interest and disappears.
Don’t end up putting all that effort into your text game and forgetting about making an actual date. Make concrete plans. Suggesting something casual that interests you both is a good way to start. Are you craft beer fiends? Suggest a new microbrew bar. Do you both obsess over coffee? Go to a cool cafe.
Whatever the plan is, just make one so that the date actually happens. It’s easy to forget about someone who you haven’t had a real, in-person interaction with yet. Move the conversation toward an actual date.
Texting after the first (or first few) dates
You’ve had a date, it went well, and you’ve decided you want to continue the interaction. This is the fun yet sometimes tricky part. How to show that you care without coming on too strong? After all, you’re still in the very beginning stages of getting to know each other.
Be sweet
Does this seem obvious? If you’re trying to get another date or hoping to really fall for someone, it should be.
Be kind and caring. Let her know what a great time you had with her. Give her a genuine compliment. You can be cute without being insincere. Women can sense the difference.
Show you care
Following up the “be sweet” guideline, put some real effort into it. Remember something she mentioned to you on the date. Does she have a big work thing coming up? Ask her about it.
Give her some support in just showing that you were listening and present on the date. Surprisingly, most people don’t do this. You don’t have to do any extravagant show, just remembering the little things will go a long way in your dating life.
Quality over quantity
Now, this may depend a bit on the person. But, in general, nothing kills my mood more than someone who needs my constant attention via text.
Most of us have to be on screen all day and really just want to disconnect in our free time. You can really like someone but not need to hear from them constantly. Figure out what your crush prefers. Even ask if you’re not sure.
Opt to send messages that really matter rather than “good morning,” “good afternoon,” and “goodnight” texts throughout the day, every day. One quality text sent every couple of days will go much farther than a meaningless stream of daily messages.
Make plans
If you two hit it off, then you probably want to see each other again. Don’t fall into the trap of endless messages with no plans made. You don’t want to be forgotten. And it’s much easier to forget someone through a screen rather than someone you see weekly.
Solidify the next date. That means that you can stress less about texting because you know you’re going to spend some real time together.
General texting guidelines
No matter if you’ve just matched on a dating app, have met once, or have had a couple of dates, these guidelines should be followed to get the most out of your texting experience.
Be considerate
This is a general human being rule for the most part. Women want to spend time with someone who is kind and considerate. Show you care about her by remembering things she’s told you.
Don’t be needy about her texting back immediately or constantly. Independence and confidence are sexy. Get to know each other calmly but with care.
Flirt it up
Not in an obsessive – every line you say is seemingly flirtatious but actually empty. There’s a magical balance between sweet and sexy where flirting exists.
Show you’re not just a friend by getting flirtatious via texts. But don’t come on too strong. If you can get some banter or inside jokes going, you’re in.
Make her laugh
One of the biggest aphrodisiacs is laughter. That’s right, funny men are extremely sexy. Use your wit and humor in your texts.
Try not to text too seriously. Texting should not be the forum for in-depth, heavy conversations. Use it as a way to have fun and make her laugh while you aren’t with her. She’ll appreciate it.
Think before sending nudes
This is an important one. Be absolutely 100% sure about sending nudes to your crush. If you think it could go awry, just don’t do it.
How to know if your nude will be well received? She’s solicited one from you. Really, that’s the only way to know for sure and probably the best rule to follow. Maybe, if you’ve had sex, and it was good, it could also be fine to send one to give some sexy anticipation to the next meeting.
However, define what you’re looking for. Be careful with getting caught in something that is only physical if that’s not what you both want. Basically, caring messages, in the beginning, will go further than nudes in the long run.
Text to impress
Texting is an essential part of our daily lives. It makes sense that it has also become an important part of our dating lives. Use your texts as a way to foster a new relationship. The possibility of a well-written text is endless.
Don’t shy away from the challenge of winning over your crush with texts. Use these guidelines to get started. And when in doubt, remember the two golden rules of successful texting: be kind and have fun.
