Ghosting has become such a normal occurrence in modern dating that it’s probably happened to all of us at least once. There’s something about so many of our interactions being through a screen that has led to the ghosting phenomenon.
A myriad of feelings that take place when we’re ghosted: sadness, anger, confusion, heartbreak, and disappointment. But what about the ghost himself? What are they feeling when they decide to (poof) vanish from our lives?
We’re going to venture into the afterlife to try to figure out just how guys feel when they ghost you.
Understanding the ghost
What a guy feels when they ghost you has a lot, if not everything, to do with the reason for the Casper-like disappearance in the first place. So, what do you think were his reasons for ghosting you in the first place?
Here are four of the top reasons you may have been ghosted:
- He’s not ready.
- You’re not the only one.
- He’s not into you.
- He’s got a lot going on.
If you need to do some investigating into why your crush decided to vanish in the first place, read all the details about why men ghost women.
Feelings to make them ghost you
What we can assume about ghosts is that they probably aren’t great at processing or communicating their feelings. Otherwise, there would be no mysterious disappearance. There would be a mature conversation about what’s going on with them or within your interactions to make them want out.
So what are some possible feelings that a guy might have to make them decide that ghosting you is the best, or only, option?
They may be getting the vibe that you are interested in something more than the casual dating you’ve been doing thus far. If they don’t want to commit, in general, or to you, they’re probably freaking out at the idea of it.
Maybe you’ve hinted at taking a trip together or seeing each other more consistently or seriously. Maybe you want them to hang out with you and your friends. Uh-oh, they’re feeling the relationship heat.
POOF. They’re out. They felt pressured by you to change things to a full-on relationship, freaked out, and rather than communicate their expectations from the interaction, decided it better to just stop responding to your messages.
This feeling could be paired with the pressure they’re feeling from you. Your ghost may be annoyed by your daily texts or your eagerness to hang out all the time.
Unfortunately, many people are still playing a game when it comes to dating. Feeling wanted from someone can actually be a turn-off. Messed up, right?
Your ghost may have gotten annoyed by the attention you gave him. Rather than tell you his text frequency preference, he’s decided to deem you “annoying” and just ditch communication with you altogether.
He may also just have a lot going on right now and doesn’t have the time to give you the attention that he feels you want or need. Instead of communicating that, he’s gotten annoyed by having to deal with it and vanishes. Busy or not, ghosting isn’t the answer.
When people are hurt, they tend to go into self-preservation mode. Your ghost may have just gotten his feelings hurt by something that happened with the two of you. It’s possible he may have some serious relationship baggage that he hasn’t dealt with from past situations too.
Maybe you let him know that you were dating multiple people and his ego couldn’t take it. Maybe you told him you weren’t looking for anything serious and he took it personally. Maybe past bad experiences are fogging his healthy relationship vision. Whatever the reason, your ghost seems to have gotten hurt somewhere along the way.
Rather than work through the feelings, he’s decided to ditch you before you have the chance to ditch him. Mature, huh (insert eye roll here)?
Ok, I’m really usually never on the side of the ghost, but there could be feelings of emotional abuse or manipulation happening. In that case, the ghost may be right in just vanishing without engaging further in a toxic situation.
Do some tough thinking about how you’ve interacted with your now ghost. Were you playing games? Hot and cold? Twisting his words? Trying to manipulate him into a situation that he didn’t want to be in?
If not, then rule out this possible feeling. But if so, rethink your dating tactics. It’s easy to get jaded in the dating world. Try to remember that kindness is the best policy. If it hasn’t been returned, then get out. Don’t resort to falling into toxic relationship habits.
This one hurts, but it could be the reality of the situation. Maybe your ghost doesn’t feel anything and that’s why he’s decided to disappear.
Makes sense that you can see right through a ghost, right? There’s nothing in the middle. Maybe this guy just hasn’t caught any feelings for you. He could be a serial dater – down for the initial excitement of meeting someone new, and that’s it.
While this one is hard to accept, especially if you were starting to get real feelings for this person, better to have him disappear now than further down the line.
Most ghosts don’t have the emotional maturity to give you what you want or need. Let yourself feel those pesky rejection feelings and then let the guy vanish from your mind, just like he did from the screen.
Feelings after ghosting
The guy you liked has disappeared unexpectedly, deciding to fully embrace the current ghosting culture. You’ve stopped attempting to contact him and you’re on your way to moving past the whole thing. So, now that things have settled down, what is this guy feeling?
This is another tough pill to swallow. If this guy was feeling annoyed, pressured, or manipulated by the interactions you two were having, then he probably feels relieved to be out of the situation.
Some guys don’t want to be in a relationship. While expectations on both ends should be clear from the start, they also have to be respected. Don’t expect a guy with a commitment phobia to meet you and have all that magically change.
So your ghost may have a heart after all, even if it stopped functioning healthily long before he met you. It’s possible your guy may feel guilty or regretful about having ghosted you.
Most of the time, ghosting isn’t about you, it’s about him and his inability to communicate. How hard is it to send a message saying they want out (hopefully in a nicer way)?
Your ghost may realize how immature and inconsiderate his disappearing act was. Now that he’s done it, he’s feeling guilty about the situation. Careful here because this ghost may reappear in your future to clear the air or want a second chance to date you.
This one is probably going to go hand in hand with guilt. Maybe your ghost feels guilty, regretful, and sad about not having you in his life anymore. He’s now missing what had been annoying him previously.
How does the saying go? Hindsight is 20/20. Now he’s longing for those caring texts that had him freaking out about a commitment. Or maybe he’s even gone out with other people and it made him miss that wit that only you had (or the kindness, intellect, empathy, etc.).
This is another case in which your ghost will probably decide to reappear in your future. Be careful about taking back a ghost.
Another depressing realization is that your ghost may be indifferent to the situation. Unfortunately, interactions that are mainly through a screen can give way to a numbness to the feelings of others.
Nowadays, you don’t have to actually have a face-to-face with someone. You can text something that is hard to say in person, or worse, just ghost them.
A lot of guys in the dating world have understood the ease with which you can ditch and pick up a woman without even leaving your home.
In this case, good riddance to that ghost. Nobody wants to be in even a casual relationship with someone who sees you as one of many.
Ghosts have feelings too
Your ghost is (or once was) a real person with feelings and dating baggage. There really aren’t many valid excuses for ghosting someone. There is almost always another kinder, healthier option to end a relationship.
While venturing into the feelings of what a guy who ghosted you may have experienced can be helpful to gain closure in the situation, try not to dwell on it. Anger isn’t a healthy emotion to hold onto for too long.
Being ghosted is hard to deal with; however, know that it’s happened to most of us. Do yourself a favor and let your ghost disappear from your mind and your contacts list.