It’s a little tough to text a guy whose number you got or whom you added on social media.
Why?
Because you don’t know what to say, how it will be perceived, and what you’ll do after you get a response.
This article will help you learn all that so you know how to text a guy for the first time. Examples will be included, of course. But first, let’s explore how men see texts sent to them by girls.
How Do Men Perceive Texts from Girls?
Men generally associate approaches with interest. This means that whenever a girl makes the first move, even with the most platonic text, the guy receiving it assumes some degree of interest. This is because of the baseline rate at which men receive texts compared to the number of messages they send to girls.
While this makes things easier for girls who want to register their interest, there is a catch. Men are fast to assume a vague level of interest but are the slowest to conclude that someone is 100% into them.
If you text a guy first, he’ll think, “Oh, she probably likes me.” But no matter how many hints you drop, he will think, “She likes me. I don’t know if she wants to date me, though.”
This contradiction is the result of recent cultural shifts. Initially, men texted girls with ulterior motives.
So whenever girls texted them first, they assumed similar intentions. There was a cultural backlash when enough guys were crass or too forward with every woman who approached them.
Recent media has educated men that not every girl that smiles at them wants to sleep with them. And that brings us to where we are today: men still assume that girls are interested if they text first, but consciously counter the impulse to take their assumptions seriously.
Here’s what that means for you.
You can easily start building non-platonic rapport with a guy without being too forward. But eventually, you’ll be the one who might have to ask him out. Because clues won’t work.
How To Stand Out Positively When Texting a Guy
If you text a guy who other girls aren’t approaching, you don’t even have to do too well to be successful. However, if you like a guy whom other girls like too, you have competition. Standing out isn’t the only goal, though. If you stand out negatively, you’ll turn off the man you’re pursuing.
Desperation, excessive control, and negativity can all make you stand out negatively. While it is easy to hide that you are a control freak, it is trickier to avoid coming off as desperate.
Think about it: on the one hand, you are the one making the first move when men are generally expected to do so. On the other hand, you can’t appear too eager.
To stand out positively, you need to appear self-assured and confidently interested in the guy you like. Most girls either hide their interest or act as if their interest is something to be embarrassed about. Your confidence will set you apart.
How to Text a Guy for the First Time: Examples That Work
Texting a guy for the first time can be tricky because you have to confidently convey your interest yet avoid being too forward. This balance is easier to achieve once you know that men, in general, assume interest on your behalf whenever you text first.
“Is This the Handsome Guy From [Insert Context]?”
This is as obvious as you can get with your interest without directly claiming it. When you playfully compliment him, you show enough boldness to be memorable without being forward enough to come off as desperate.
You will also have the opportunity to see how he takes a compliment. If he’s too insecure or egotistical, he will try hard to reject it or be off-puttingly brash when accepting it.
“Hey [Name], I Have Good News and Bad News. Which Do You Want to Hear First?”
This excellent icebreaker allows you to carry on the conversation without getting “okayed” into silence. Questions are generally good conversation starters because they sidestep the one-word responses that statements can get.
This question is particularly good because it makes the other person curious. Once you have his curiosity, you can respond with a twist. The good news could be that you like him. The bad news could be that you haven’t asked him out.
But if you feel like that’s too forward, you can go with something less blunt. The good news can be that he looks good. The bad news could be that there is plenty of global warming going on.
“Do You Know What We Have in Common?”
Follow this one up with “we both like you.” This signals confidence and is playful enough to be taken lightly. It is also an interesting initial text because it gives him room to respond. And his reply could be quite interesting too.
You might receive a message like “We both like coffee,” which could set you up perfectly to ask for a coffee date. While “we both like you” is a great follow-up, you don’t have to go with this. A spontaneous reply that might come to your mind might be much better.
“What Comes to Your Mind When You Hear the Word ‘Green’?”
Whatever they reply, you can simply respond with, “You come to my mind when I hear the word green.” This can make him even more curious. If he asks you why, simply say, “I’ll tell you someday, maybe.” And that last message is best with a wink emoji. If you start dating him at some point, you can reveal the secret.
“The word green reminded me of you because ever since I saw you, everything reminds me of you.” Whatever you do, don’t give away the ending before you start dating, or things will get awkward.
“Hey! What’s the First Thing You Pick in Rock, Paper, Scissors?”
This is a great opening text because there are a finite number of responses. He will say, “Rock, Paper, or Scissors,” or he might say, “I don’t know.” In some cases, the guy might reply, “Whatever comes to my mind.” The best thing about finite responses is that you can prepare replies for each one.
- If he says “rock,” – You can say, “That’s because you rock. How hard are you cringing right now? lol”
- If he says “paper,” – You can say, “that’s because you’re ‘all about that paper.’ How hard are you cringing right now? lol”
- If he says “scissors,” – You can say, “That’s because you’re sharp. How hard are you cringing right now? lol”
- If he says, “I don’t know,” – You can say, “I like your style. Never let your enemies know your secrets.”
The point of the first three possibilities is to intentionally induce a cringe feeling. Once you’ve gotten past the intentional cringe, you can easily laugh at awkward moments. More importantly, when the cringeworthy moment is crafted intentionally, you don’t feel inadequate or genuinely embarrassed.
The fourth reply opens up an interesting back-and-forth opportunity. When you send a message implying that you are his enemy, he might reply, “Are we enemies?” To that, you can respond with, “Well, we’re not lovers yet.” If you think that’s too forward, you can say, “Isn’t that better than the friend zone?”
“Hey, You Wanna Go Out for Coffee?”
Finally, nothing beats a straightforward question. This text is for girls who aren’t good at online conversations but are better in person. If you feel like that’s you, then you should ask him to meet you in person. Make sure the meeting takes place in a public place; that’s a good rule to have. You don’t have to ask for coffee. Your text could read, “Hey. You want to hang out sometime?”
The Do’s and Don’Ts of Texting a Guy
Texting a guy in the initial stages of getting to know each other can be slightly complicated because of how men and women perceive different things. The following Dos and Don’ts will keep you from making things awkward or unpleasant.
The Dos of Texting a Guy for the First Few Times Are:
- Do be honest – If you fake anything, you’ll become nervous, and that can get picked up even over text messages. Remain yourself. That doesn’t mean you have to be transparent about your deepest secrets right away. Just don’t fake the self that you first presented.
- Do show interest – The more interested you are in him, the more interesting he will find you. Don’t be shy to stand by your interests. Show him that you like him, but stay classy.
- Do ask questions – Statements are the death of a conversation. In fact, you can simply text statements and gauge his replies to them to measure his interest. Generally, conversations spiral into shorter and shorter responses. Questions help you get to know him better.
- Do get personal – Don’t remain ‘one of the girls’ by keeping your messages surface-level. Gradually lead your text conversations to deeper subjects, one level at a time. Don’t be too fast, but don’t stay still either.
- Do move things forward – There is no point in texting a guy you like if you confine things to texting only. You need to move things forward. Ask him out or show enough interest to get him asked out. The latter is more challenging. But if neither of you asks the other out, you will waste each other’s time.
The Don’Ts of Texting a Guy for the First Few Times Are:
- Don’t be self-deprecating – Girls can often find humor in self-deprecating remarks. Men see it as a lack of confidence, which can be off-putting. Even if your natural humor involves self-deprecation, you should tone it down in the first few texts.
- Don’t be desperate – We don’t control how much we like someone, but we control how we react to our feelings. Desperation is exposed when you have no filter for expressing your desires. It is the other extreme of never professing interest. Desperation ruins your chances of dating the guy you might be desperate for.
- Don’t compromise on your values – Even if things are going well as you text back and forth, you shouldn’t compromise on your values. Your values form the basis on which your integrity and self-image stand. If you shift your beliefs and act differently for a guy (or anyone), you will lose self-esteem, which isn’t healthy for your love life in the long run.
- Don’t let the conversation stagnate – Every online conversation can come to a dead end because people are busy and there are too many contacts on everyone’s phone. You should actively steer your conversations so that they don’t hit a dead-end prematurely.
- Don’t be the only one talking – While you should steer the conversation, it has to be within reason. If you see that you have to put in three times the effort to get his attention and keep him engaged, you need to dial down the energy you put into the conversation to his level.
Final Thoughts
Texting a guy for the first time might be tricky, but it isn’t anything worth overthinking.
You just need to open with a question and say something that gets him curious. If he’s into you, the conversation will carry itself.
And if you find yourself doing all the heavy lifting, you might want to walk away.
