In dating, a unicorn describes a person interested in joining an existing relationship either sexually, emotionally, or both. This person could be a single, bisexual woman (or man) willing to date a couple and might be looking for a short-term or long-term commitment.
Understanding the unicorn
The term “unicorn” is a connotation of a rare creature that can possess magical abilities. Some people might even doubt their existence.
In dating, unicorns exist but can be rare. Think about it: unless it’s the once-in-a-while threesome experience (which is easy to find), it can be challenging for a person to join an already established relationship.
As a couple, it’s not easy to find someone you’re both attracted to or find someone who’s attracted to both of you.
Why do couples look for unicorns?
Here are three common reasons why a couple might consider finding a unicorn to join their relationship.
New sex experiences
Over time, most couples have a fairly predictable sexual script. To switch things up a little bit, some opt to change and try new experiences to keep that sexual spark burning. Therefore, bringing in a unicorn would help them achieve this goal.
Fulfill their fantasies
According to a scientific survey of 4,175 individuals carried out by Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a threesome is the most common fantasy for couples in America. In his book Tell Me What You Want, Lehmiller’s research showed that 95% of men and 87% of women between the age of 18 to 87 had fantasies of having sex with multiple partners.
Discussing and performing one’s sexual fantasy is important for a couple to enjoy a satisfying sex life. Bringing in a unicorn can help couples with this fantasy, as long as there’s open communication and it doesn’t affect their relationship.
Some couples might feel the need to look for a unicorn for companionship, especially if one of the partners is always busy and physically unavailable.
To withstand the occasional lack of “quality time,” a couple might decide to introduce a unicorn to fill in the gaps of the unavailable party. This can work if a couple has a strong bond and needs to find someone to keep the other partner company.
What is unicorn hunting?
Unicorn hunting is a term used when a couple opens up their relationship and seeks a third person to join their relationship, either to date or sleep with. This act is often called “hunting” because the couple is looking for something rare.
Unicorn hunters can go hunting on dating apps, polyamory forums, attend LGBTQIA+ events, or visit clubs with a queer crowd.
Their posts on dating apps can look like this:
- “Looking for a third to date or sleep with.”
- “Looking for a woman to play with my husband and me.”
- “Unicorns only!”
However, unicorn hunting sometimes causes uproar, especially in polyamory forums. Here are some reasons why:
- Bisexual women are highly sexualized in this setting.
- The idolization of the female unicorn has caused more social barriers for bi-men.
- Couple privilege: couples that have opened up their relationship prioritize their needs and desires over the needs and desires of the third partner.
- Gender imbalance: as seen earlier, couples open up their relationship to bi-women in most unicorn settings. Therefore, men are more privileged because they are saved from the emotional work of accepting another person in the relationship. The idea of bringing another man into a straight relationship would be emasculating.
- Unicorn hunters, especially those looking for unicorns to spice up their relationships, are believed to use unicorns to fix their relationships.
- Transphobia: unicorn hunters fail to recognize trans men or women while seeking out relationships.
Myths and Facts about unicorn hunting
There are several myths about unicorns out here that are far from the truth. Here are some of them and the facts to clear it all.
Myth 1: Unicorns are sex machines
Most couples tend to think that unicorns are some sort of supernatural sex machine. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.
People are willing to be more experimental with their sexuality, and desires don’t make them sex objects.
Myth 2: All bi-sexual women want threesomes
All bi-sexual women are not unicorns, and they don’t all love threesomes. Of course, some are into threesomes, but others don’t even like it.
Every person is unique, and everyone has a right to their sexual preference. Assumptions can be rude and disrespectful.
Myth 3: Unicorn hunting is the same thing as polyamory
These two terms are entirely different. Unicorn hunting is about couples opening up their relationship based on their desires and needs. On the other hand, polyamory is based on equality for love, attention, care, and responsibilities of all the partners involved.
Myth 4: Getting a unicorn will fix your love life
A unicorn is not some sort of supernatural creature that will magically solve all your relationship issues. A unicorn can only be beneficial if your relationship is stable and healthy.
Fact 1: Nobody wants to be used
Most couples explore this setting mainly for their selfish needs, which could be to fulfill their fantasies or have mind-blowing sex. They want an attractive person who can enter the relationship on their terms.
Any sort of relationship requires some kind of give and take, transparency, and, most importantly, a connection.
Fact 2: Lack of communication in your primary relationship is a major problem
Without clear and honest communication, unicorn hunting can be a total disaster. You need to find out if you’re on the same page with your partner. Is your partner equally into it? Do they also want it as much as you do?
Discuss the pros and cons of bringing someone else into your relationship. If you establish a mutual ground, establish what kind of relationship you’re looking for, whether dating or sex, and then seek a unicorn with similar desires.
Fact 3: Good sex is only good if it works for all the parties involved
Here’s the thing: practically everyone has some sort of fantasy. But why go ahead with it if it isn’t appealing to all the parties?
All sex involves some sort of exchange regardless of whether it’s casual or relationship sex. So before adding someone else to your bedroom, you need to be sure that you’re really ready to have someone else as a couple.
Also, offer what the unicorn wants as well instead of only focusing on what you want.
Fact 4: Jealousy is a prime issue
There is a high chance that any of the people in a couple, either man or woman, may feel jealous or overly protective of seeing their partner loving the unicorn.
Fact 5: Most unicorn hunters don’t succeed
Part of the problem is that unicorns are rare to find. Unicorn hunters are great in number as compared to unicorns. The other problem is unrealistic expectations from the hunters.
How to treat a unicorn
Even though unicorns are rare to find, they exist. The best way to approach a unicorn is to be upfront and honest about what you need and ask them what they’re looking for.
- Respect them the same way you respect your partner. Their needs and desires should be as important as those of you and your partner.
- Ensure that you’re all reading from the same script. As a couple, discusses and listen to your unicorn’s likes, dislikes, boundaries, sexual fantasies, and emotional expectations.
- Manage your expectations. Don’t expect a unicorn to play a specific role in your relationship. Instead, listen to what they can offer.
- Have clear guidelines. This includes other details beyond sex. For instance: will you all be sharing a bed? How often can you all meet up? Should you vacation together?
- Honesty is the best policy.
- It’s perfectly fine for anyone involved to change their mind and say no at any point for whatever reason.
Top 6 things that prospective unicorns should consider before entering a relationship
- Set clear boundaries about what you expect and need
- Don’t expect the couple to satisfy your emotional needs
- Don’t feel entitled to be equal in the relationship
- Beware of being used
- You are not obligated to stay if the couple isn’t in a healthy relationship.
- You don’t have to stick around if the situation doesn’t feel right for you.
With this detailed description, you now understand what a unicorn is in a relationship. This kind of arrangement may not be for everybody, and that’s okay. But couples find unicorns, and unicorns find couples.
To prospective unicorns, it’s essential to understand all the dynamics involved. Additionally, for couples looking for a unicorn to join their relationship, engage them the right way.