First of all, congratulations on getting past this painful and confusing situation. I assume you’ve already worked through the heartbreaking situation and are ready to meet someone new.
Breaking up with someone can be tough, but getting back out there and meeting new people can be equally daunting. It’s like jumping into a pool after not swimming for a while—you’re not quite sure how to approach it.
Do you cannonball in or ease yourself in slowly? Well, fear not, my fellow love-seeker, because I’m here to provide you with a guide on how to meet someone after a breakup without belly-flopping into the dating pool.
So, how do you go about it?
Meeting someone after a breakup can be tricky, especially since breakups mess with our faith in love. You fear trusting again and even get comfortable being alone to avoid being hurt.
But to allow someone new into your life, you need to learn to trust again
I know it’s hard, especially since I don’t have the details of your breakup. Again, some of us are more sensible about values like loyalty, so when someone breaks such values, you just can’t trust them again.
But if you want to meet someone else, you must learn to trust again. I’m sorry, but there is no other way. You don’t let a stranger into your life.
They must stop being strangers first, and for that to happen, you must trust them. I’m not telling you to do it overnight, not even in a month; take your time, but work on it first before getting yourself out there.
Otherwise, you will meet this person and see the worst in them, then mess everything up. And even if you pretend to trust, it will catch up with you eventually.
But again, don’t be too naive to trust anyone who comes your way. Even when you’ve healed completely, you might still be vulnerable.
And sadly, there are monsters out there capitalizing on our weakest points in life. From players to scammers, be careful to avoid being the next victim.
Learning to trust again involves:
- Allowing yourself to feel every raw emotion instead of blocking it
- Accepting your trust was broken, but it’s not your fault (even if you think you triggered the other person’s behavior in any way, it’s not your fault they chose to betray your trust)
- Understanding that not everyone is like your ex and giving them a fair chance
- Take baby steps in the trusting process and the first step is asking yourself if there is a slight possibility of letting someone new in your life and how you feel about it. It’s okay if you still feel bad and uncomfortable about it, and your task is to work on the uncomfortable feelings. The idea is to bite off as little as possible and chew it thoroughly before moving on to the next chunk.
- You might even have to talk to an expert to help you through this.
If your faith in love was broken, try rebuilding it
I understand that breakups mess up our mental state badly, and often we become too weak to process the pain or even understand whatever is happening.
At this point, you do anything to survive a day at a time. It might be healthy or unhealthy, but you don’t care so long as you survive a day without this person.
Some of us lose faith in love to the extent of feeling disgusted when we see a couple displaying affection in public.
But you can’t allow someone new into your life while feeling that way. So as bad as it is, you must find a way around believing in love and giving it a second chance.
Accept you don’t have to be alone to avoid being hurt
This might have been your coping mechanism to get over your ex. You think the only way to avoid being hurt is to be alone, especially if this is not your first heartbreak.
And it makes sense because only the other person can hurt you. But the fact that you are ready to meet someone else means a part of you still believes in love.
Not every person you meet will hurt you, and though we can’t know what the future holds, it’s okay to live like a free spirit.
Also, there is no guarantee the next person won’t hurt you, so maybe accept it can go either way before going in.
Accept your ex is not the only person who can make you happy
You might have gotten over your ex, but that doesn’t mean you don’t feel incomplete without them. And it’s okay, especially if you were together for years and feel they knew you better.
It’s normal to feel only this person knew how to love you, right, but remember, they were also strangers at some point and made you happy because you gave them a chance.
As such, accept the possibility that someone else can learn to love you and make you happy. I understand you don’t want to start over, heck! Nobody does, but sometimes you do what you have to do.
Now don’t compare any new person you meet to your ex
A friend who had the worst breakup after being in a serious relationship for three years had this problem.
She was ready to meet someone new, but the problem was that she kept comparing every guy with her ex.
So anytime she could go on a date with a guy (which was often, by the way), I would ask what she thought of him, and she could start by saying, “He is good, but he doesn’t do this,” and the list would be long.
So I would ask why she expects him to do all those things, and she would say because her ex would do them. Sadly, she got into a relationship, but it didn’t last long because the other person didn’t treat her like her ex.
Not that he was treating her wrong, but it wasn’t the way she was used to.
The person you meet is different, so don’t expect them to treat you like your ex. They might do things differently and in a good way, but if you keep comparing them to your ex, I hate to break it to you, but it won’t last long.
Where and How to Meet Someone After a Breakup
You won’t meet the next person by spending the whole weekend indoors. I understand it can be hard to get yourself out there again, but it’s the only way to meet a new person. Try;
- Going to social places like public parks, museums, or restaurants
- Visiting new places
- Joining online dating apps and sites
- Going for meet-ups, you can start by joining platforms like meetup.com that help you meet people.
- Going to events and festivals
- Joining more social media pages
You can try all the above places and still not meet new people. This would be because your tactics are wrong, so here are some tips on how to do it right.
- Improve yourself: Work on your self-esteem and personal development, so you’re ready to interact with others.
- Socialize: Don’t go to a public place and keep to yourself. Introduce yourself and socialize with as many people as you can.
- Be friendly: Accommodate different people and be nice to them.
- Be polite: Being rude will push others away instead of closer to you.
- Learn how to treat others: Some of us “shut down” our outside world when we find love, so getting out there becomes hard because we don’t know how to interact and treat others. If you’re such a person, learn how to do this first.
- Let people in and give them a chance to be friends. Often, love starts with friendship, so allow people to be your friends first.
How Long Should I Wait to Meet Someone After a Breakup?
I’ll be lying if I tell you a month, two, or six. There is no definite answer to this. While some take 3–4 months, others can go a year or more before meeting someone new.
Don’t pressure yourself to meet someone else. It only messes things up. After all, you open your heart to just anyone because you feel you have a deadline.
Even when your biological clock is ticking or you want to settle down before a certain age, it’s wise to let things flow at their own pace.
The best you can do is work on yourself and learn to treat the next person better, so you have a good chance of making the next relationship successful.
Meeting someone after a breakup is not easy. It’s worse than starting the same business you tried but failed at.
But on the bright side, you have lived that life and know better. As such, you can make better decisions and improve your weaknesses so the next relationship succeeds.
So gather the courage to try again, even if it’s just one more time. You never know; it could be the last try at something beautiful.