It’s happened; the disappearance act you dreaded, but always knew was a possibility.
After all, it’s become so normalized in modern dating. But you really liked this person. You’d met, shared a couple of dates, and even made plans for another.
And then POOF.
Just like that, you’ve been ghosted. You’re hurt, confused, angry. All you want to do is send this person a searing text, bound to burn them back into existence.
But you know, this could go either way. Sure, you could make them feel terrible, and rightfully so. Or you could prove them right for bailing on you, showing all your wrath in a poorly crafted message.
Obviously, you don’t want the latter to happen. So, what are the best ghosting responses?
Let’s take a look at some different ghosting responses.
Should you say anything?
Let’s have a moment of responsible thinking here. You’ve thought of hundreds of different messages to send to this person. But really, should you send them? Is a ghost worth any response at all?
So, the question remains: should you say anything at all to someone who has decided that you weren’t even worth a goodbye text?
Probably not
Sorry to be the bearer of lame, non-existent revenge news, but it’s probably best to not respond at all to this behavior. I know, I know, it’s not that easy.
I’ve definitely fallen victim to the terrible feelings that come with being ghosted and have sent some messages that probably made a bad situation worse. That’s not the goal.
Do you want closure?
Well, according to every self-help post floating around on the internet, that’s going to come from within. You’re unlikely to get it from someone you had a quick connection with but then decided to fall off the face of the Earth, to you at least.
What was it that everyone told us growing up? “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I’m going to repeat that logic here.
Not that you are automatically going to say something mean to this person, but still.
No acknowledgment of the situation is often the best response. “Oh, you didn’t message me. I’d completely forgotten about you, too.” That’s the best vibe to send right back to your ghost.
Yes, send away
You can’t get past it. You have to say something. I get it. I’ve been there in that ghosting conundrum.
If you feel like you need to say something in order for you to feel better or to let the situation go, then go for it. But, be tasteful about the message you send.
Try not to send something at a super emotionally charged moment. It may sound great at the time, but you’re likely to look back at it and cringe.
And remember, your ghost is likely to stay silent. So, be OK with the continued lack of response that you’re likely to receive.
What should you actually say?
OK, you’ve decided option one of no response at all is just not for you. You’re choosing the much more fun option two.
Now comes the tricky part. What are you actually going to say in this message?
This depends a bit on what you are hoping the ghost feels upon reading your carefully crafted text—one that obviously seems super casual and offhand. It could depend on what you want to feel upon sending it, too: evolved, witty, sassy, or emotionally mature.
But don’t worry. There’s an option for every feeling.
Stay classy
Or channel your inner classiness. Pretend you’re in a ball gown or tuxedo when thinking about this message. Live up to the famous Michelle Obama quote, “When they go low, we go high.”
Whatever you need to do to get into that elegant, classy mode, go for it. And then send that message that makes your ghost realize you were way too good for them in the first place.
“Just checking in to see if you’re OK. Barring extenuating circumstances, it seems as though you aren’t interested. I would’ve preferred you’d told me, but I understand that confrontation isn’t easy. Good luck in your dating endeavors.”
Some version of that message will say everything you need it to say. I’m caring, mature, and taking control of this ghosting situation. It also clearly ends the interaction.
You get your closure, and your ghost feels like they missed out on a truly evolved dating being.
Win-win.
Be witty
Do you have a great sense of humor? Remind your ghost that they’re missing out on it.
If you’re a witty person normally, then this text will seem very natural and will probably align with the style of your previous text interactions. It says, “Hey, you and this ghosting situation didn’t throw me off. I’m still laughing.”
And, as an added bonus, laughing is an aphrodisiac.
If this message is sent well, you’ll have your ghost wishing they hadn’t gone in the first place. Be careful, though, because you might end up with a zombie on your hands. Everyone likes to have fun.
“I know. I really hate texting too. Shall we just telepathically plan our next meetup? No response is required. On it.”
You’re not shaken by the ghosting situation. You aren’t allowing this person to hurt you, or at least you won’t show it. This message says, you’re too fun and chill to let the situation shake you.
Get sassy
You’re not into being classy, and being funny isn’t really your style. You want to send a straight-up word of wrath. Well, calm down.
Let’s meet halfway and go for a little bit of sass instead. An irate message isn’t going to do you any good.
It might be super fun to spit fire at the peak of your ghosting fallout anger, but you’ll likely regret it later. Try not to send a ghosting response message when you’re feeling too much. It probably won’t be as great as you want it to be.
Sass is the perfect amount of wit and attitude to satisfy your anger while keeping it mature.
“I hate to do this in a text, but here it goes: I’ve been cheating on you. I know it may come as a shock since we never actually ended things, but I do have needs and desires. Anyway, it’s been going really well for me, but I thought I should break it to you. I hear tubs of ice cream really help with break-up blues.”
Mic drop. No, I haven’t been waiting around for your messages. And good luck getting over me. This is sassy and confident. It lets you close the door on this haunted house situation.
Try spooky
This one is fun. We’re going to flip things around and ghost your ghost. After all, what’s better than giving them a taste of their own medicine?
So, technically you wouldn’t be ghosting them because you haven’t gone silent. But try sending a message that makes it seem like you fell off the face of the Earth for the past week, not that they did.
I call this, “taking back the ghosting situation.”
“Hey, I’m so sorry I haven’t messaged about meeting up again as we’d discussed. I’ve just been so busy. It really seems like this isn’t a great time for me to try to coordinate plans with someone. Hope you find someone who can make time for you.”
And POOF. You’re out. This person is bound to be thrown off by this message, thinking they had ghosted you.
This response is perfect if you didn’t send a previous message to which you’d gotten no response.
If you were waiting for a follow-up message after a date that never ended up coming, go ahead and send a message like this.
What if they reappear?
You crafted such a compelling message that your ghost has decided to reappear. Now what?
Well, you’ve got some options. You can decide if you want to give Casper another chance or if you just want to leave that ghost in the past.
Either way, here are some options for how to respond to a ghost who comes back to life after you send them a final message.
Just say, “No, thanks”
Thank you, but no thank you. You have no time in your dating life for ghosts, zombies, or whatever monsters come out at night.
If your ghost decides to actually respond to your message, send them a prompt message back saying that you are no longer interested. They missed their chance.
There’s also always a risk that you’ve got a serial ghost on your hands, meaning they did it once, they’ll do it again.
Why risk your emotional wellbeing? Your message served its purpose. They realized what they were missing out on. Oh well, their loss.
Confront the disappearance
You’re a curious human being and you’d like to know just why this person decided to disappear and now reappear. Call them out.
We know that they probably don’t like confrontation if they ghosted you in the first place, but if they have any chance at being a part of your life again, they better own up to it.
Ask the hard questions and see if your person goes ghost again. Either way, don’t let a second possible disappearance throw you off. Expect that they may bail again. Don’t be invested in getting answers.
Depending on your ghost’s response, decide if you want to see them again or not. It’s up to you.
Ghost it out
Ghosting really is almost never the answer, but if you don’t want to deal with this interaction any further, just ghost your ghost.
Technically, your last message was your goodbye anyway, so you haven’t stooped to their level of ghosting. The fact that they changed their mind and are now expecting you to still be available and open to them in your dating life is their mistake.
You don’t owe your ghost anything. They made their decisions and you got your closure with your final message. It’s fine to not respond any further.
Light, goodbye text
Your ghost knows they made a mistake, but you’ve been in this scenario before and you don’t want to risk another ghosting with the same person.
Just because your last message sparked their interest again, you still know that this person isn’t consistent and is most likely still emotionally immature and unavailable.
You’re done with the situation, but you honestly don’t have any hard feelings about it. You just don’t care anymore.
Ahhhh, isn’t that the best?
No need to send your ghost a seething message; keep it light, but give them a clear, confirmed goodbye.
Dealing with ghosts
Unfortunately, ghosting is a trend that is unlikely to ever disappear. If you’re dating, you run the risk of being ghosted. Knowing how to deal with the situation can help you get over the traumatic situation.
If sending your ghost a final response helps you to put things in the past, then go for it. Do what you need to do to get closure on the situation.
Just remember that no one else can give you the closure you need, even if they come back with an explanation.
Focus on your emotional stability. The more secure you are, the less likely it is that ghosts will affect you.
You’ll know you don’t deserve that lack of respect, and you’ll be able to appreciate the fact that the situation didn’t go any further.
But, if you want to have some fun with your spooky friend, play around with sending a final message that works for you.
