So you’ve been going out with this person for two months straight, and you’ve not had the exclusivity talk. It’s normal to question where “whatever you have” is going.
Obviously, you’re not in a relationship because you’ve not defined what that is. However, two months is a reasonable amount of time to determine whether you two are compatible. Or is it?
What does two months of dating without exclusivity mean? Is there a chance for a relationship, or are you just wasting your time?
This article covers all these topics and more. But before we get to the details, let’s understand what it means to be exclusive in dating, so we are on the same page.
What Does It Mean to Be Exclusive in Dating?
In dating, being exclusive means you are only seeing each other; however, being exclusive may mean other things to different people.
For example, to some people, being exclusive means you can’t have sex with somebody else, but you can flirt or go out with them.
To others, even dinner or entertaining someone else is crossing the line. That’s why it’s wise to define your “exclusivity” so your partner knows where they stand.
It may seem obvious, but it doesn’t hurt to make sure you’re on the same page. I watch loyalty tests on Youtube, and the number of times I’ve seen misunderstandings due to different understandings of exclusivity is uncountable.
If you’re not a fan of loyalty tests, let me bring you up to speed. Youtubers in this niche meet random couples on the streets and conduct a loyalty test by picking up the couple’s phones and going through everything from WhatsApp messages to emails.
Of course, the couple must consent to this, mainly since the whole thing is recorded. If any of them is “cheating,” there will be evidence in texts and sometimes photos.
The term “cheating” is in quotes because that’s where the misunderstanding comes in. For instance, there was a scenario where the girl was flirting with more than one guy in her texts.
When confronted by the boyfriend, she argued that flirting is not cheating because it was not restricted when they defined the relationship.
So while it might seem obvious or apparent to you, somebody else might have a different concept of exclusivity in dating.
Dating 2 Months and Not Exclusive: Should I be Worried?
While catching up with my girlfriend on a coffee date, we had an interesting conversation regarding her love life. She met a guy two months ago, and they had a mutual connection, or so she thinks.
According to her, they have been going out, holding hands in public, and spending hours on the phone talking “sweet nothings.”
Like most women, she assumed they were dating. Convince me otherwise because I, too, would have assumed the same if I were in her shoes.
Though it’s been two months of hanging out, they’ve never defined their relationship, which means they’ve not had the exclusive talk either.
Her concern is that, despite everything, she still doesn’t know where she stands with this man. He treats her like his woman, but since they are not exclusive, she can’t really say they are in a relationship.
But then again, two months is not six months or even a year, so is it too soon to be exclusive? What does whatever they’ve been doing for two months mean if they are not in a relationship?
What do two months of dating mean?
Like I told my friend, two months of dating can mean almost anything. It could be a casual fling or an indication of a viable relationship in the future.
The problem arises when the parties involved (like in my friend’s case) are not on the same page. I mean, if it’s just a casual fling, she deserves to know so she can decide if that’s what she wants.
In most cases, how someone behaves should give a clue about where the relationship is headed. If it’s something casual, you might hang out, but they won’t make it their responsibility to check on you all the time and learn everything about you.
Besides, a casual fling is often accompanied by casual sex. In my friend’s case, they have not had sex, but she isn’t sure if it’s because they are not rushing things or because they haven’t had the perfect time to.
You see, they met in November, and as they got to know each other, it was already December. We are all aware that this is a holiday season and that it’s often spent with family. So though they would meet once in a while, they were all busy attending family functions.
My final thoughts in her case were for them to talk things out so they could be on the same page. Of course, things can go either way, but the earlier they talk about it, the better, especially since she was clear she was looking for something serious, not flings.
Are two months too soon for an exclusive relationship?
It depends on how well you know each other, the intensity of your relationship, whether you feel the same way about each other, and how much time you spend together.
Some people take less than two months to be exclusive, while others take up to a year. And it makes sense because if you meet only once a month, that means you need more time to understand each other and know what you feel for each other.
Generally, people who spend a reasonable amount of time together define their relationship in the first three months of dating. Going by this, you still have a month before raising your eyebrows. But then again, you should have some clues at this time.
We, therefore, can’t say if two months is too soon to be exclusive or not. You should weigh things and figure out where the relationship is headed. And if you can’t make a solid decision on your own, always talk things out.
What you should expect in 2 months of dating
Two months is a reasonable time to assume you both enjoy each other’s company. Otherwise, the relationship would have ended long ago.
The first two months of dating are in the getting-to-know-each-other phase. Therefore, expect to talk more about your interests and learn about each other.
For that to happen, you must spend more time together, especially if you two have a spark. So more dates, maybe meeting a friend or two, some lovey-dovey, and learning the dynamics of each other’s lifestyles.
However, every relationship is different. I’ve been in relationships where, at two months, we were still tiptoeing around each other and others; we were going on trips together at two months.
The bottom line is to do what feels natural. If you connect enough to share emotional experiences, feel free, and if you still think it’s too soon, take your time.
How Long Should You Date Someone Before Being Exclusive?
There is no manual to dating; you just go with the flow and do what feels right. That said, there is no hard rule on how long you should date before being exclusive.
Naturally, your feelings should guide you. You can get exclusive in the first month of dating if you both feel the same way about each other. But if you’re still unsure, take as much time as possible.
Being exclusive takes your relationship to the next level. Things get more serious, and you’re obligated to consider your partner when making certain decisions. You also become answerable to them, meaning you can’t mess around anymore.
However, this depends on how you define things in your exclusive talk.
Another thing is that, as much as you haven’t defined your relationship, you shouldn’t feel like you’re being taken advantage of. When that happens, chances are it’s a toxic relationship, so the sooner it ends, the better.
How Long is too Long?
Although there’s no specific timeline for when you should get exclusive when dating, sometimes it’s just too long. For example, if it’s taking a year to decide if you want to commit to each other, maybe it’s time to walk away.
A year or more is too long, especially if you’re spending more time together. Unless, for some reason, you meet once a month and you’re in a long-distance relationship, you can’t keep playing hide and seek with each other’s feelings.
And even if it’s a long-distance relationship, you should know if you’re compatible by this time.
Two months of dating without being exclusive can indicate a fling or getting to know each other better.
One thing is for sure: you enjoy being around each other. That’s why it’s fair to have questions, especially if everything is pointing in the right direction.
To be sure, clear things up by talking and figuring out where you stand.