The dating process gives you the chance to get to know each other and assess compatibility.
How do you get to know someone you’re dating better? Simple. Ask the right dating get-to-know-you questions.
Dating questions can range from light to deep and fun to more serious questions. An example of a light question is, “What do you do for fun?” Deep questions touch on issues such as family, values, goals in life, and money.
You should keep the conversation light and fun during the early stages of dating (first and second date). But as it progresses, dating questions should be more in-depth to get to know your partner on a deeper, more intimate level.
Why is it important to ask questions when dating?
Dating questions are critical for gathering information and opening up a channel for communication.
There’s nothing good like the right questions to explore each other emotionally.
Here are a few reasons why you should ask dating get-to-know-you questions.
You build anticipation and excitement
Questions can help the two of you get rid of awkward silence and boring small talk.
You make someone feel special or important
Asking compelling questions and listening to everything they have to say can make a person feel important.
You strengthen the bond
Questions can be icebreakers. They invite your date to share preferences and personal details about themselves with you.
As much as this increases communication, it strengthens the bond between you.
You discover ideas and perspectives from someone else’s mindset
Often, when you ask deep questions, you learn about the other person’s past experiences, beliefs, values, ethics, etc.
This fosters a sense of participation because both of you share experiences, and you get to learn and discover ideas and views you had not thought of.
You gain empathy
Empathy makes us understand and relate to each other. You can gain empathy by listening to others, sharing their feelings, and being vulnerable.
What better way to achieve these things besides asking check-in questions?
You discover new things
You ask dating questions to make your partner reveal things about themselves. What they love, what they dislike, their fears, passions, goals, what makes them happy, etc.
With each answer, you discover something new about them.
Questions can help you remember things
By asking questions, you jog your memory as well. For instance, if you ask about someone’s past, you may remember something that happened to you in the past.
You understand people better
The right questions can help you form a bond and have a deep emotional relationship with someone you’re dating.
Questions help you understand how they feel and think when they open up.
They can encourage intimacy
Where there are questions, there’s better communication. Communication is a great way to promote intimacy, especially when sharing vulnerabilities.
Dating questions to ask to get to know someone better
Here are some perfect questions to ask your dating partner targeting different aspects of their life, such as likes, family, career, values, goals, money, and sex.
Asking someone about their likes or dislikes helps you understand them better. These kinds of questions give you a chance to open a conversation and allow you to dig deep by asking follow-up questions.
For instance, ask if they’re introverted or extroverted. Depending on their answer, ask what kind of activities they like the most.
Here are some ideas:
- Are you a dog or cat person?
- What’s your favorite music genre?
- Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
- What travel destination is on your bucket list?
- What kind of vacation do you prefer between the beach and safari?
- What’s your guilty pleasure?
- If you could have lunch with one person in the world, who would it be and why?
- Which is the best dish you can make?
- If you were an animal, which one would you be?
- What’s your favorite snack, and why?
- Which is your favorite TV show, book, or podcast?
- Which is your favorite season and why?
- Which is your best birthday memory?
- What three things would I see if I walked through your front door?
- What and where would you buy or build your dream house?
- Do you prefer coffee or tea?
- Do you have a daily routine?
- Are you a talker or a listener?
- What’s your dream car?
- Are you a planner or more spontaneous?
- What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
Asking about their family is a great way to get to know them on a personal level. Here are some questions you can ask.
- What’s your family like?
- Do you have siblings? If so, how many?
- Who in your family are you closest to, and why?
- What were you like as a child?
- Who is your most strict parent?
- How often do you visit your family?
- Does your family have any holiday traditions? If so, which is your best and why?
- What is your best family memory?
- What’s your best childhood memory?
- How has your family influenced who you are today?
- How can you define your family?
- Does your family do family reunions? If so, how often?
- Who’s your childhood best friend?
It’s important to know what they’re passionate about and their daily activities.
- Do you enjoy what you do?
- Why did you choose your career?
- What is your job like?
- How do you strike a balance between your work life and social life?
- How do you decompress after work?’
- How do you deal with work-related stress?
- If someone was to offer you your dream job, what would it be like and why?
- What about your job inspires you to get up in the morning?
- What do you dislike about your job?
- Who is your professional mentor, and why?
- Do you have work friends?
- How do you feel about after-work happy hour?
- What does your family think about your job?
- What’s the most work-related thing you wish to accomplish in the next year?
- What would you choose to do for a living if money wasn’t an issue?
Values and goals
By learning about your dating partner’s values, you understand how they live their lives and what influences their actions and behavior.
So, rather than asking, “What are your values?” or “What are your goals in life?” Try these questions.
- What is one thing you never thought you would accomplish, but you did?
- Do you have a life motto? If so, what is it?
- How would you explain how you approach life?
- Which is your best personality trait?
- What do you like most about your life?
- What is something you’ve done in life that makes you proud?
- What motivates you in life?
- What are your ideal qualities in a person?
- If you could use three words to describe yourself, what would they be?
- What was the most challenging part of your life?
- Have you ever lost someone close to you? How did you deal with that?
- What do you think about love at first sight?
- What are your relationship dealbreakers?
- Have you ever been in love? How can you tell if you’re in love?
- What’s one thing that you value the most?
- Which one stands out the most for you, between inner and outer beauty?
- What’s the best thing going on in your life currently?
- What keeps you motivated when life gets tough?
- How would you describe yourself spiritually?
- Do you believe in life after death?
- Do you believe in luck?
- What’s the definition of religion and spiritualism according to you?
- What’s your biggest fear?
- How do you define success?
- What’s your greatest personal struggle?
- What’s your top priority in life?
- Do you think you’ve healed from your past?
Sex questions are just as important because they help you know if you’re sexually compatible with your dating partner or not. They can also help you deepen your connection.
- What does intimacy mean to you?
- What are your turn-ons?
- What are your turn-offs?
- What’s your greatest sexual fantasy?
- What wouldn’t you try in bed?
- Do you have sexual kinks?
- What is your view on watching porn?
Money issues can seem like a taboo subject. But if you’re planning to get serious with someone you’re dating, it’s important to ask money questions to get to know their views on money.
Here are some questions you can ask:
- What does financial freedom mean to you?
- What was the best thing you learned about money growing up?
- What do you tend to spend more money on?
- What are your short-term money goals?
- What are your long-term money goals?
- If you won a lottery, what are three things you would spend the money on?
Tips for asking the right dating questions
Not everyone can ask the right dating questions. While asking questions seems fairly easy, it’s important to take time and effort.
Good dating questions are concise, allow the conversation to flow easily, and give you more information to get to know the other person.
Check out some tips below to help you ask the right dating get-to-know-you questions.
Ask open-ended questions
Open-ended questions can be answered with something more than a simple “yes” or “no.” They leave room for discussion and explanation.
So, instead of asking, “What is your dream job?” I’d ask, “Is there a job you’ve always wanted to do since you were a kid?”
Active listening can improve the quality of your communication and help you get to know the other person deeply.
You are an active listener by using nonverbal cues (eye contact or nodding), paraphrasing what they said, asking clarifying questions, and validating the feelings they might have expressed.
Don’t press too hard on sensitive topics
Not everyone likes talking about sensitive topics such as religion, politics, or past relationships. Even if you want to get to know someone deeply, don’t press too hard if you notice someone’s uncomfortable about a certain subject. Be cautious about how they react when you touch on these subjects.
Don’t use rapid-fire questions
When dating someone, you might be tempted to bombard them with questions to quickly learn as much as you want.
But asking many questions within a short period is not how you do it. Take some time and get to know them slowly and gradually. Too many questions at once can be boring.
Avoid giving advice
If someone you’re getting to know touches on some challenges they’re dealing with, avoid advising unless they ask you for it.
You just need to listen with empathy.
Dating someone is about determining compatibility. Just because you have the same music taste doesn’t mean you’re compatible.
Therefore, it’s important to get to know them as much as possible before taking your dating to the next level.
Ask about anything and everything, from family, values, interests, accomplishments, money, sex, etc. If you’re getting to know someone, ask these important questions. They are a mix of light and fun and intense and serious.
So, if you want to avoid the dry small talk with your date, refer here to spice up your conversation.