When you start a relationship with someone new, it can be hard to figure out how to navigate certain situations—texting being one of them.
If you just got into a new relationship, you’ve probably still got butterflies and have trouble focusing when you’re on your own.
Ahhhh, yes, falling in love. It’s exciting and also harmful to your productivity.
Going overboard with texting can be a detriment to your relationship. Let’s face it, do you enjoy someone texting you incessantly throughout the day? Does your partner need to know that you just ate an apple?
You probably answered no to those questions, and if not, then you might be a little too text-happy. That’s ok, just understand most people won’t be the same.
So, how often should you text your boyfriend (so that he knows you still care) without coming across as needy?
What’s the norm?
Knowing what the majority of other couples are doing may help you and your partner figure out what works for you. So what’s considered normal in the relationship texting world?
3-5 texts a day
Across the internet, this seems to be the consensus of normal texts per day while in a relationship with someone.
Does it sound like you?
This amount of texting is a good way to let your partner know you care while also letting them lead their daily lives without incessant interruption. If you’re in a relationship, then you are most likely seeing each other a couple of times a week. What’s the need for constant messaging in between?
Keep the mystery alive and leave it to just a few texts a day.
Morning and Night
So, what 3-5 messages should you be sending to your partner? Well, that’s up to you.
But, experts are saying that good morning and goodnight texts are good messages to send so that your partner knows you care and you still feel connected.
What better way to start your day than with a sweet message from your partner while rolling out of bed? And ending the day with a nice little goodnight exchange sounds like a good way to ensure a restful night of sleep.
How much is too much?
This can be the kiss of death for a relationship. It’s annoying to be with someone who needs constant reassurance and attention via texts. It’s exhausting and a sure way to end a relationship if it doesn’t get fixed early on.
If you err on the over-texter side, here are two good points to have in mind to keep your texting frequency in check.
Don’t text all day long
It’s distracting for both you and your partner to be texting nonstop throughout the day. It could also create a codependent relationship.
Remember that you have your own life outside of your relationship. When you aren’t together, focus on that. The occasional message (cap it at 5 if you’re not sure) is nice. But constant, “why aren’t you responding?” messages get annoying real quick.
Serious conversations should be in person
Need to talk about something heavy and deep with your partner? Save it for when you are physically together.
If you really want to give them a heads-up, send a message like, “have something important I want to talk to you about when we see each other.” But a warning message isn’t necessary as a precursor to a serious discussion.
How often should you text your boyfriend?
OK, we’ve got the 3-5 messages a day rule, or morning and goodnight messages. If you’re still unsure of how often you should be texting your partner, follow these guidelines.
Talk about your communication styles
When in doubt, talk it out with your partner. If you aren’t getting answers that work for you in your many Google searches on the topic, go ahead and bring it up. Communication is key in relationships. You should be able to have these types of conversations with your partner.
The best way to know how often you should be texting your partner is to ask them their preferences. Seems simple, huh? Well, it can be!
Adapt to your needs
You talked to your partner and they said they’d be fine going a day or two without a message. If that idea leaves you feeling anxious or insecure, tell them that!
You can find a happy medium between your two communication styles if you both really want to make it work.
If you aren’t okay with 24-48 hours of texting silence with your partner, opt for at least one text daily if you aren’t. Just remember that it’s a discussion. Know your partner’s style and your own, and work together to find what works for everyone.
Don’t overdo it
Too much texting will kill any relationship. When in doubt, don’t overdo it with texting. It’s not healthy for you, your partner, or your relationship.
It can be easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, but try to play it cool on the text front. In the long run, it will help you to maintain a balance between your relationship and the rest of your life, which will benefit both you and your partner.
Texting in relationships: less is more
Unless you are in a long-distance relationship, in which case these rules may slightly vary, less is more when it comes to the frequency of texting in a relationship.
Resist the urge to be in constant contact with your new partner. They will find it smothering, and it won’t be good for you to become too dependent on the relationship in that way.
Text something cute, sweet, and funny throughout the day to keep the interest alive. But keep heavy or long-winded conversations for verbal conversations only.
After all, what will you have to talk about when you hang out if you’re constantly updating your partner throughout the day every day?