How to DM a Girl on Instagram

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How to DM a girl on Instagram

Remember the good old days? You would simply call someone or ask them out on a date if you were into that person. 

Unfortunately, we are way past that. The dating game has become largely digital, with apps like Bumble or the classic slide into the DMs. 

And believe it or not, it’s not just us. Famous couples like Joe and Sophie, Rita and Calvin Harris, and Nick and Priyanka all met through their DMs. 

If you want to slide into a girl’s DMs and are looking for some helpful tips to start a conversation, keep reading! 

How to Start a DM Conversation With a Girl? 

Here are a few tips to get into a girl’s DM without weirding her out:

1. Respond to Stories

Close up of Instagram feed on a mobile screen showing IG stories
Close up of Instagram feed on a mobile screen showing IG stories.

If you’re already following the girl on social media, responding to her stories is a great start (occasionally, though. You don’t want to creep her out)

Girls put stories to share their activities with others, and they don’t mind if an appropriate comment springs up. However, don’t just bombard her DM with emojis. 

They look odd and mostly don’t make sense to most of us. A relevant comment, such as making a simple remark about what’s happening in the picture, will do just fine. 

If the story is a poll or a question, answer it properly, and you can then ask about the results later in the inbox. 

2. Talk About a Common Interest

If you already know the girl, you will likely know her interests too. For instance, if you want to approach a nerdy girl, you can strike up a conversation by throwing a question regarding the exam schedule. 

Or, if you know her through an event that took place last week at college, you can ask her about how she liked it. If that seems too obvious, simply asking about a work-related thing will work. 

3. Be Creative

Striking the first conversation is tough, but a little intelligence goes a long way. You can DM the girl with something along the lines of ‘Hey! I thought you must be waiting for a DM from my side because your horoscope says you will get a DM from a cool guy soon. 

If that sounds too cheesy, you can go for “How about rating my DM skills on a scale of 1-10? I am conducting a popularity survey that needs a response from awesome girls.”

So, if you can use a bit of wit and sensibility, you can definitely win the DM game. 

4. Ask for a Coffee

A man is going to open his Instagram app to invite his crush out for coffee.
A man is going to open his Instagram app to invite his crush out for coffee.

While it may sound over the top for some people, it works. You can ask the girl to join you for a cup of coffee or an after-school waffle run. 

Still, this approach is better if you’re more into actually dating the girl instead of only having a digital acquaintance. 

That coffee offer can also use some creativity. You can ask her something like, “I saw your coffee story yesterday. I was wondering if you always have coffee alone or allow others to join you.”

5. Use a Pick Up Line

Pickup lines are the cutest way to grab someone’s attention. However, if you get too cheesy, it may become an instant turn-off. 

You can try, ‘My ex said that I would never get a reply from another girl; will you help me break her spell?’

Or, “I was trying the ‘send’ button today. I hope you don’t mind my little experiment’. 

Or maybe something like, “I was reading Cinderella and slept. Now there’s a shoe beside me. Is it yours? (Don’t hit me with it, though) “

How to DM a Girl Without Being Creepy?

When you don’t know the girl in person, it is tough to slide into her Instagram DM. Approaching someone directly on social media by only looking at their display picture is super creepy, and unless you are a total creep, never attempt it. 

For someone whom you follow or have a common friend circle with, striking an Instagram DM is quite easy. 

You can respond to their stories and start a conversation in the DM.

Responding to stories, too, has its boundaries. You cannot weird out someone by getting too personal in the first response. 

For example, if a girl has updated her Instagram story about her vacation, you cannot just go ahead and ask her about who she was hanging out with? 

For starters, that’s none of your business. Secondly, it’s just inappropriate. 

Instead, you can ask her questions about the vacation spot and the interesting activities to carry out there.

Man dmed a girl after seeing her post about snorkeling
Man dmed a girl after seeing her post about snorkeling.

If you’re not going the story way, striking a conversation with a joke or a common interest can help you. However, for that, you need to know the girl’s interests and must have some common friends. 

Another way is to strike an in-person conversation first and then continue it on Instagram. That will be appropriate when you don’t have her number. 

Timing is the most important factor when you’re approaching someone. Never strike a late-night conversation because it gives an impression that you are feeling bored and simply want to pass the time. Try to start a conversation by the evening at most. 

How to Text a Girl on Instagram for the First Time?

Before sliding into a girl’s inbox, a little homework will do wonders. So, here are some tips on how to text a girl on Instagram for the first time:

1. Take Out Time to Go Through Her Profile

The first step is to know the basic details about your girl. If you’re approaching someone on Instagram from their dating profile, you need to go through their Instagram profile carefully. 

Dating apps have different profiles than Instagram profiles, so knowing the Insta-side-of-the-girl is essential. 

When you go through her profile, you’ll gather many clues about her personality, which can help you start the first conversation (and hopefully, a successful one). 

2. Connect Through Stories First

Commenting on stories is the best way to kickstart a conversation. But make sure that you don’t cross a line when commenting on a story. It will be an instant turn-off for a girl. 

You can ask questions about the story or send a quote that validates the story. If the girl shares deep stuff, you can reply in the same tone to get her attention. 

3. Like/Comment on Her Photos Occasionally

Man commenting on a post on Instagram.
Man commenting on a post on Instagram.

One of the most cringe-worthy Instagram behaviors is following someone and immediately starting liking every picture they have shared to date. 

Trust me; it shows desperation and lack of a life which can send cringy vibes to the girl who views those likes. 

Instead, if you can hold your horses for a few days after following her and then engage by occasionally liking or commenting on her stuff, she may take you seriously when you finally slide into her inbox. 

4. Maintain an Attractive Profile

While you may think that a girl will start a conversation only by knowing that there’s a guy on the other end, it’s not how it works. 

As guys go through profiles, complete their digital research and then strike a conversation, girls also follow a similar route. 

They will check your profile first, so make sure it’s worthy of keeping the conversation going. 

Is It Ok to DM a Girl on Instagram? 

You may be too shy to start an Instagram conversation, but hey! What else are these social apps designed for? 

We are not living in the era of handwritten love notes or silent phone calls, so why not give a chance to Instagram inbox? After all, if Nick Jonas could slide into Priyanka’s DMS, so can you. 

There’s nothing wrong in starting an Instagram conversation if you’re not initiating it for any wrong purpose or not behaving like a creep. 

Even if you’re heavily attracted to a girl, sending sexually provocative stuff or sharing intimate photos in the inbox without knowing the girl is plain disgusting. 

A free piece of advice to all the men out there; please avoid doing any such weird act in the Instagram inboxes of women. 

What Is the First DM to Send a Girl?

There are plenty of ways to start an Instagram conversation. However, all may not work. 

It’s a trial and error procedure to know what works best for you. 

You can start with something funny or witty, such as “I don’t have a place to spend the night. Can I crash in your DM? “

Or you can go for a quote as a response to the girl’s recent Instagram story. 

Want to sound more confident? Throw something like ‘My sixth sense tells me that (insert girl’s name) will be joining me for a coffee tomorrow at 5’.

You can directly start by complimenting the girl’s fashion sense or telling her that you find her attractive. 

If she responds, it’s a signal that she wants to continue the conversation, and if she doesn’t, never bombard her inbox with messages. 

Sliding Into a Girl’s DM on Instagram—Examples

A man thinking how to dm a girl in Instagram
A man thinking how to dm a girl in Instagram.

Here are a few examples of sliding into a girl’s Instagram DMs:

When You Know the Girl

  • Hey! I think I know your face. Did you go to XYZ school? 
  • Are you friends with Mike? Saw him in your Insta story, so I thought to ask. 
  • I went through your profile and saw that you went snorkeling last summer. Can you please give me some tips because I am also going for it? 

When You Don’t Know Her

  • I saw your comment on XYZ’s page. I am a huge fan. Which song/movie do you like the most? 
  • Your profile is quite unique. Do you mind giving me a few tips on how to run mine? 
  • I saw you go for a jog every morning. Can I join you someday?

What Is the Best Time to DM a Girl on Instagram?

There’s no specific time to ping a girl on Instagram. However, do not choose late-night conversations. They give a bad impression. 

Instead, try sliding in between 9 AM and 9 PM. 

Another way to choose an appropriate conversation time is when you find them active on the platform. It means that when they’re posting stories or posting pictures, you can send a message right after that.

And That’s a Wrap! 

Dating apps are usually open for conversations when your profiles match. Instagram, though, may not be the best way to hit on someone. This is simply because people mostly share their day-to-day activities there without putting much effort into chats. 

However, if you are adamant about striking up a conversation with your crush, you can slide into her DM with simple strategies such as responding to stories or using funny pick-up lines. 

Whatever you do, make sure that you don’t creep her out or, worse, enter into the digital harassment scenario. As a rule of thumb, if she leaves your DMS on seen, it’s a NO. And you should be a gentleman enough to take the hint!

Photo of author


Over the years, Stephanie has had her fair share of dating experiences. While some turned out great, others weren't so great. She believes that relationships are meant to be fun, exciting, and full of laughter. She wants to help men and women become confident, attractive, and successful in their romantic relationships.