How to DM a Guy on Instagram

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How to DM a Guy on Instagram

Gone are the days when guys were always supposed to make the first move. Be the first to text, call, or ask a guy out on a date. 

It’s all the norm now.

Understandably, DMing a guy for the first time on Instagram can be scary. You are worried about what he may think of you for initiating the conversation. 

While it may not go the way you planned, it’s still better than not making the first move. Do you really want to lose the chance of potentially meeting your “the one” just because you were too scared of getting judged for it? 

To make your life easier, we’ve come up with a few easy tips on DMing a guy on Instagram for the first time and how not to creep him out. 

How to Start a Conversation With a Guy on Instagram?

Here are a few great ways to slide into a guy’s Instagram inbox:

1. Responding to Stories

Woman cheerfully reacting to a guy's IG stories
Woman cheerfully reacting to a guy’s IG stories.

Replying to Instagram Stories directly lands you in the inbox. You can ask a question about the story or give an opinion.

Complimenting the story’s content can be another great way to proceed with the conversation. 

Since stories are only live for 24 hours, responding to them helps establish that you pay attention to the Instagram activity of the guy. 

2. Finding Common Ground

Never dive into anyone’s inbox without knowing about them. It is a bad idea to jump into a guy’s inbox only by getting impressed with a hot display picture. 

While they may respond to your text, if you don’t know anything about them, they may step backward soon. 

So, going through the profile and finding a common interest will work wonders. It will ease up the conversation and be more engaging to talk about things both of you enjoy. 

3. Ask for Help

If you know the guy from college or through a mutual friend, you can ask for academic help or for something they are good at. 

For example, if your guy is big on shoes, you can ask him to help you find your next pair of sneakers. 

Or you can ask for a book recommendation if your guy is into reading. 

4. Throwing a Question

First messages are awkward, but if they are question-based, they grab the attention. 

When inboxing a guy on Instagram, you can ask them questions such as “Have you been taking photography classes?” I love your Instagram photos. 

Or you can kickstart it by asking him about the recent trip he took with his male friends. 

You can start the conversation with something like, “I was going through your XYZ trip pictures.” “What did you find the most interesting about that place?” “How was the food?”

5. Sharing a Meme

A funny meme is the easiest way of breaking the ice. Once you’re familiar with the type of posts your guy shares, look for memes that can spike his interest. 

You can dig into memes about his favorite Netflix series or a recent funny incident that is trending.

The purpose is to make him laugh and establish that you have a good sense of humor (a trait guys always want in their girls). 

6. Sending a Video or Picture

Woman sent her first dm to her crush with a picture of them
Woman sent her first dm to her crush with a picture of them.

You can start a conversation by sharing a picture from an event both of you attended or a video from the party you both attended

When they see it, you can make a relevant remark or ask a question to keep the conversation going. You can try any of these techniques but never go overboard with the number of videos or texts you send to a guy

If he is interested, he will let you know. If he is not, you will get to know him through his cold or indifferent attitude. 

How Do You DM a Guy Without Being Creepy?

Even when most of the blame goes to guys for being creepy on social media platforms, girls too can misbehave in the same way. 

If you keep bombarding the guy’s inbox with unsolicited messages, it will give a creepy vibe. 

To avoid looking desperate or creepy, keep it classy. Don’t throw flirtatious comments or sexually explicit material, no matter how confident you feel. 

It’s a big turn-off to start anything intimate without getting to know each other. Keep your conversations short and appealing by l using the techniques discussed above. 

Never give out an impression that you’re going insane to get the guy’s attention because it will repel him instead of attracting him. 

Happy woman trying to dm her crush on IG
Happy woman trying to dm her crush on IG.

How to Start a Conversation With a Guy You’ve Never Met on Instagram

Here are a few tips on starting a conversation with a stranger on Instagram:

Start By Following Him

The first thing to do is send him a follow request. Although it may be difficult to initiate, it’s natural to have fears like, what if he turns down my request or what if he doesn’t follow back. 

But let’s concentrate on the positive side. What if he accepts the request and answers your DM within seconds? 

It might become a breakthrough conversation of your life, so leave the ifs and buts behind. 

Do Your Research

Don’t just crush on someone for their display picture. Instead, deep-dive into their profile and take notes. 

Look into what kind of stuff he shares, his interests, and what kind of friends he has. 

Have a sketch of his personality by going through his Instagram profile and then starting a conversation.  This way, you’ll have better ideas of how to spike his interest. 

For instance, if you find snowboarding pictures on his account, you can start a conversation by mentioning a snowboarding event that you’re also excited about. 

Or, if your guy is into football, start with a football match that impressed you in the recent past. 

Like and Comment on His Photos

A woman liked a man's Instagram photo.
A woman liked a man’s Instagram photo.

Once you follow someone on Instagram, it’s natural to respond to their posts. However, if you’re hitting on them, you need to be cautious because overdoing it can creep him out. 

The key is to engage on his Instagram profile without giving off the impression of desperation. 

Don’t Be Boring

If the guy you’re crushing on is super hot, you will not be the only one inboxing him. He must be getting all sorts of DM’s from some other fine women. 

So, if you want to grab his attention, being boring is the last thing that will work. 

Instead, going for an intelligent and witty way will set you apart. 

Never Leave a Chance of Chatting

The first messages usually keep you hanging. You keep waiting for your crush to reply. And imagine losing the chance of carrying the conversation forward just because you were not online. Oops! That’s a bad one. 

So, make sure to slide into the DM when you see your crush active. 

It will tell you if they are interested in carrying the chat forward or not. 

Use Proper Grammar

Gone are the days of ‘hey, dude! Wassup? H r u? How is evrthng? ‘

Sensible people use proper grammar in their conversations, whether it’s through emails or social media. So, please proofread your text before sending it to the guy. 

Your first impression matters. Please don’t ruin it with grammatical errors. 

Use Emojis

Choosing Emojis on mobile keyboard
Choosing Emojis on mobile keyboard.

Using appropriate emojis sparks interest. However, overdoing them looks immature and childish. You can use a wink or a smile here and there in your initial texts to grab his attention. 

If you’re feeling bold, simply use the care, heart, or kisses emoji. 

Is It Ok to DM Your Crush?

Directly messaging anyone on social media is okay unless they haven’t put filters on their inbox. 

However, unsolicited messages can sometimes become an absolute pain in the neck because the other party is not respecting the boundaries. 

Sending texts at odd hours or continuing to text when the guy is not responding is not okay. You’ll be crossing a line if you keep bombarding your crush with texts.

Should I DM Him First?

She was surprised to see that the person she had just DM'd on Instagram had following her back.
She was surprised to see that the person she had just DM’d on Instagram had following her back.

There’s nothing wrong with a girl striking up a conversation first. If you have a crush on him, don’t wait for him to make the first move

You have only two possible outcomes: either he will respond and carry the conversation on, or he will show his disinterest. 

In both cases, there’s nothing to lose, so a girl sending a DM first is not a big deal, just like a guy sending a DM first. 

The Takeaway

While initiating an Instagram conversation with a guy may seem odd to some, it’s completely fine. 

You can strike up a conversation with a guy by responding to his stories, sending a meme, or an interesting quote. 

No matter what you choose, don’t go overboard with the number of texts you’re sending. Make sure to message the guy when you see him active on Instagram. Good Luck! 

Photo of author


Over the years, Stephanie has had her fair share of dating experiences. While some turned out great, others weren't so great. She believes that relationships are meant to be fun, exciting, and full of laughter. She wants to help men and women become confident, attractive, and successful in their romantic relationships.