If you’ve been around the dating scene for a while, then you must be quite familiar with the term, “ghosting.”
You went on dates with this person. You thought he was amazing. You spent endless hours chatting on the phone. He professed his love for you but still left without a trace.
Wondering why you are getting mixed signals and why guys disappear when they like you?
I’ve got just the right post for you!
But first, I want you to know that this is so much about him because if he really liked you, it’s enough to make him stay.
Having said that, one question remains: why do guys disappear when they like you?
Why do guys disappear when they like you?
Ranging from life issues to why you got confused about him in the first place, I’ve put together a list of reasons why he ghosted you:
What they wanted from you was sex
Playboys aren’t hard to find. In fact, there are stereotypes about guys who can’t be with you if you aren’t offering something in return.
This isn’t as simple as it seems, but here’s the truth; he’s a player who got what he wanted from you and has moved on to someone else.
He could have promised the world and made you feel like the one just to get into your pants, but he never took you or what you wanted from him seriously.
And while he’s an asshole for not being clear with you, remember, not every guy is like that, and there are some good ones out there who do not have intentions of you being another woman in his bed.
He’s confused about his feelings
Another valid reason is that he’s confused about how he feels about you. I understand men acting like they have it all figured out, but that’s a lie.
Girls aren’t the only ones with feelings and emotions that are hard to process; guys feel the same way too. This means if he’s into you but isn’t sure about something, he will not try to lead you on.
So, he’ll take time away from you to figure out if what he feels for you is worth it or not.
In most cases (if this is how he feels), he’ll come back to you.
He’s insecure
Everyone gets insecure, but the worst part about this is that you’re too good for him and he feels that he can never measure up to your standards.
He might bring it up to you or keep silent about the issue to preserve his ego. All you have to know is that he could have disappeared because he thinks he isn’t enough for you.
He’s going through a life crisis
Maybe this guy is a good one, but then he has a lot going on in his life. If he falls under this category, then he might not be ready to get into a relationship with you.
And while you might think it’s not too hard for him to share, so you two could go through it together, respect that he’s not ready for you to be a part of that yet. And rather than explain things to you, he’ll prefer the easy route to end things with you.
But never take it personally; he just isn’t in the right headspace.
He feels you don’t deserve him
Perhaps this guy has a lot figured out in life while you don’t or he has a lot of options, so he doesn’t want to settle for what’s less.
This doesn’t mean you aren’t trying your best, but he’s not ready to accept you for what you are, which does sound like a red flag because his ego has taken the better part of him.
If he wasn’t able to see you for more, then he’d move on to someone else.
Compatibility Issues
You might have an intense connection with someone and they do feel the same way, but then the problem is that you’re just not compatible.
We don’t listen to the same song or don’t like the same artist. It could run deep as she wants kids and I don’t even want to get married.
When he feels you two can’t reach a common ground to work things out, he will leave because you two are a mismatch.
Not ready for commitment
Some guys don’t want anything serious, and they avoid getting attached, and maybe you were moving a little too fast for him, which leaves him to make a quick decision based on how things are.
As I said, this is all on him because he loves the fact that he’s independent and doesn’t want to be tied to anyone for now.
His past experiences
He could have had his heart broken by someone in the past, and he’s wary of anyone coming close or scared of falling in love with anyone again.
Again, his past could have sparked a trauma deep inside of him, so when he starts feeling for someone new, believe me, he will do what’s best to protect himself and his heart.
You showed no interest in him
We live in a world where people want connection but avoid expressing themselves.
Now, chances are, you played hard to get or held back in showing your true feelings because you didn’t want him to know you were so into him.
But to this guy, he believes you don’t feel the same way even when you actually do.
In cases like this, even though you’re interested, you didn’t show it, and that’s why he left you.
He’s dating other women
This list would be incomplete without it. If you two went on a few dates, there’s a possible chance he has other women he’s going out with.
Another fact is, that he might be fresh out of an old relationship and you were a rebound, but maybe his ex still wants him back because they only broke up because of a little disagreement.
And let’s get real, exes or rather two people with a past have a kind of leverage on each other that you would never measure up with.
The best bet is to respect his decision and try to move on.
What does it mean when a guy slows down texting you?
Before guys exit your life, there are signs you don’t get, and slowing down with texting is one of them.
There are two ways to understand when he slows down texting you:
- He’s trying to keep his distance: Let’s get real. If you two were chatting for hours and now you realize you don’t do that anymore, you probably did something and he’s trying to keep his distance. If you checked with yourself if you said something wrong, ask him about it, and if you didn’t, it’s just a ploy to exit your life. After all, feelings change all the time.
- He got too comfortable with you: Every relationship at some point leaves the honeymoon phase, so this means that not every guy who stops texting wants to leave or break up with you.
Sometimes, he just gets too comfortable with you and doesn’t see a reason to keep texting when you two are already in a relationship. The chase is over and he got what he wanted, so he doesn’t think he has to keep texting you.
So, in a situation like this, all you have to do is communicate and express how you feel to him. Tell him if you want him to keep texting, that just because you two are together doesn’t mean he should stop what he’s been doing.
Put in mind that he isn’t a psychic and might not even notice he’s doing it, so when in doubt, talk about it.
What should I do when he disappears?
Well, after everything, what if he still disappears and how do you deal with that?
I understand that you tried your best and yes, it’s always mentally exhausting when someone you love suddenly disappears from your life, which is why I have tips on how to get over someone who never gave you the closure you deserve.
1. Concentrate on you
This might sound like a Ted talk, but when people leave without properly ending things, it affects you and your self-esteem. You might try to deny it all you want, but it hurts you.
You begin to ask yourself if you weren’t enough or if there was something wrong with you. Trust me, you don’t need the “why’s” that you will never be able to get answers to.
And I know self-care isn’t easy, but focusing on yourself should be your top priority at the moment because it’s the only thing within your reach that you can give to yourself.
Go on solo dates, go shopping, take a bubble bath, and do more of what makes you happy.
2. Don’t make excuses for them
Avoid coming up with an excuse for a man who didn’t have the guts to tell you he wanted out of the relationship. Especially when you’re getting better, it’s not your job to do this for him.
If you keep doing that, it just means you’re ready to take him back whenever he’s back for you again, which again proves you have low self-worth, so avoid this as much as possible.
3. Don’t act like it never affected you
Yes, it hurts, but don’t keep your emotions bottled up. Allow yourself to feel what you want to. Cry if you want, scream, but don’t hold back.
Acting nonchalantly would only cause you more pain. Express how you feel and prove to yourself every day that you can live without him.
4. Confront him when ready
Although I strongly advise against doing this, you might want to reach out to ask what happened.
Be rest assured, he’s only going to come up with excuses that aren’t worth your time.
But do this if you really want to listen and only attempt it when you’re in a better place in your life, because by then, you’ve gotten rid of him and his words have no impact on you anymore.
5. Get the closure that you deserve
He’s never going to give you the closure you need, but summon up the courage and give this to yourself.
You might want to have your loved ones around you or start seeing someone new, but nothing should hold you back. In the end, do more of what you want for yourself.
Why do men pull away when things get serious?
Most of the time, guys leave when they’re confused about their feelings. Other points to note are:
- He’s avoiding his past. Like I mentioned earlier, he could have been heartbroken before, so if you make him feel again, he’ll pull away.
- You were moving too fast. Sometimes, we have it planned in our heads without giving much thought to the other person, so if you met months ago and want to move in with him or start a relationship, it’s a solid reason for him. The best thing to do is make sure your partner is with you in whatever plans you make. Also, take things slowly. After all, a relationship isn’t a race.
- He has his eye out for someone else. If you were a rebound after he broke up with an ex or he’s seeing someone else alongside you, then believe that he has other options and you’re more deserving than that.
- The sex was average. It might be funny but guys leave if he’s not getting enough from you or just feels that you don’t measure up to what he really wants to feel during sex and sometimes, your sex drive being too low could also be a reason for him.
- Fear of Intimacy. Not every guy wants sex, and some do have issues with intimacy.
The thing is, some guys have been through abuse or childhood neglect and they feel they aren’t deserving of love, so they’ll avoid getting intimate with you, and when he can’t keep making it up to you, he’ll pull away.
So whenever a guy starts to pull away, observe and communicate with him because most problems faced in relationships can be solved by communication.
What are the signs of ghosting?
Nearly everyone has been ghosted before, but what are some signs you might have been missing out on?
1. Their texts are not as enthusiastic as before
This should be one thing to look out for, and it would be wrong to sugarcoat this, but he’s just not feeling it with you anymore.
Remember how things were at the onset? Interesting conversations, staying up late to talk. Now, he doesn’t text you because it takes him hours to reply or he’s cool with the idea of not talking to you. If he’s not putting in an effort, then be sure to talk things out with him before you get ghosted.
2. They don’t want to hang out with you
If he stops making plans or, for example, you planned a trip and he backs out at the last minute, he’s only trying to prepare you for what’s about to happen when he’s finally gone.
3. His words and actions don’t match
This is where you get mixed signals, get into a lot of arguments, and take on the role of playing a detective. It’s funny but true.
He does claim to love you, but his words don’t match his actions. Why? Because words are easy, it’s the way he shows them that truly matters.
Anyone can throw words around, but not everyone can go extra lengths to prove those words, so when he whispers sweet nothings to you, check if his actions are the complete opposite. If it is, he’s only trying to lead you on.
4. He gives subtle hints
This is too easy to pick, but maybe you just don’t get it.
If he tells you, he doesn’t see where you two are headed in your relationship, then he’ll be comfortable enough ghosting you to figure it out, but take it from me that a guy who does this doesn’t deserve you.
5. They stop reaching out to you
Another thing a ghoster does is stop reaching out to you. Note that they won’t do this immediately; they have a way of taking things slow.
For instance, when you first started going out with him, he would call twice a day, but now you get it once or he tells you he’s been busy, and finally, you start waiting for his call or start chasing him.
The thing about ghosting is that they just don’t put in any effort anymore. On top of that, they start playing mind games to get you confused and to get you to keep trying to fix it. When you stop trying, you’ll realize the kind of person you’re dealing with.
Will the guy who ghosted come back?
Not every guy who leaves will come back to you. If he couldn’t handle being away from you in the first place, then he wouldn’t have ghosted you.
But in some cases where he left to figure out his feelings or was going through a life crisis, and he’s now in a good place to be with you, he’ll come back.
And that’s why I have signs to know if he’ll come back to you.
1. Your friends tell you he’s been asking about you.
This is not too difficult to understand, but he still cares and wants to explain himself, so he asks those close to you in hopes that it will get to you and you might reconsider before you two have a chance to talk.
Do you know those guys who don’t fully leave even when you don’t talk again?
I’m talking about that one guy that still sends you cute cat videos, the one who likes your posts on Instagram.
He’ll come back to you because he’s going through something and just needs space to figure things out.
3. He wants to meet up with you
If he suddenly reaches out and tells you he wants to talk, give him a chance to explain himself.
I know it’s really hard after all you went through, but don’t shut the door on what he has to say without listening to him. Listen and decide what’s good enough for you.
4. Apologizes for what happened
As long as he’s the one making these moves, you have nothing to do other than allow him to.
If he explains what happened and why he disappeared, for which he has good reasons, it’s your choice to decide if you want him back or not. But trust me, if he wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t go through that to get you back.
Not unless he’s a narcissistic person who wants to manipulate you.
From my experience with ghosters, they never come back, but if you have one who does, even after the pain you’ve been through, give him a chance.
Should you confront a guy who disappeared?
One thing you should never do is confront a guy who left without ending things. For one, he’s emotionally immature, and what do you get from people like that? Excuses.
To avoid confronting him, but if that’s going to give you the closure that you need, then go ahead, do it for yourself, and move on.
Conclusion
Ghosting is one of the most painful difficulties we all go through in a relationship, so if someone you like or love disappears, honor that.
Remember that a guy who is truly into you will respect you enough to tell you what’s going on with him, and when in doubt, know that you deserve more than he has to offer.
